Renesmee's Choice
by jwayk016
Summary: BD Spoiler Alert! A vampire, a werewolf, and a human. Edward said Jacob would have some competition when Renesmee came of age. Can the ties of fate keep them together, or will Renesmee choose a different path?
1. Before the Storm

This chapter is the introduction, so it is not the most interesting chapter, but it is necessary for setting up the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Renesmee, or Jacob. Nothing in this chapter is mine.

There is no sun as I dress in the clothes Alice has set out for me to wear. My room glows in the dim light. The sea-blue walls make up for the lack of color in the sky. Paired with the brilliant white carpet, my room reminds me of the beach on Isle Esme, where my parents had brought me for a few months after the battle with the Volturi.

The Volturi haunted my dreams after they left. I woke up screaming every night. My parents asked me to show them the dream that I was having, but I refused to conjure up the images. They were worried that they weren't able to help me. With lack of anything better to do, they took me on vacation to the bright and colorful island. I loved lying on the warm sand and swimming with the creatures in the sea. There was something so magical about that island that the dreams all but vanished, and my parents thought that it was time we returned to Forks. But the dreams came back the first night I slept in my own room. They still come; not as often as when I was younger, but they are still there. I worry that the Volturi will come back for a rematch; and next time, losing will not be an option.

I turn as I hear a light thud. "Hey, Jake," I grin at the boy who had just crawled through my window.

Jacob smiles at me. His smile is always so warm and bright. All the worries buzzing in my head vanish instantly whenever I am around him.

Today is the first day of school, and I am nervous. I got little sleep last night (although I can go a week without sleeping if I want to) and my heart is pounding harder than I ever expected possible. It feels weird.

"Nessie, you look terrible," Jacob jokes, as his eyes find the darkened bruises under my eyes. Of course, the dark skin is always there; it is our inside joke. "Didn't you sleep well?" he asks with mock concern. I let out a sarcastic laugh as his lips turn down in disapproving lines.

"Now that you mention it, laying still was not my specialty last night," I tell him, the smile on my lips fading. All this talk about sleep is reminding me why I had been nervous mere seconds ago.

Real concern enters his eyes. "Why? Are you having second thoughts? You don't have to go, you know."

I do know. Going to school had been my idea. I look Jacob straight in the eyes. "Being nervous isn't, and wasn't, my problem. Last night just wouldn't end fast enough."

Jacob leans closer to me, as if he wants to touch me, even though I know he won't. He never does. I have to make the first move. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I lay my hand gingerly on his cheek. I send him a picture of himself as he looks right now, human and fully clothed. Then I send him a picture of the school I will be attending. "I wish you could come with me," I whisper.

Jacob reaches up and lifts my hand lightly into his. "I wish I could come with you. But you know that I can't."

I roll my eyes as I recall what everyone told me when I asked if Jacob could be my escort, instead of Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper. Dad insisted that someone accompany me, at least for the first couple weeks of school, to make sure everything goes smoothly. Dad simply said that he preferred someone else be my chaperone. Mom said it wouldn't be fair to ask Jacob to leave his pack just so that he could be with me. Jacob had chuckled and said that he would never be able to pass as a seventeen year old. It had been hard enough when he had actually been seventeen. And Jacob does have his pack to look out for…

Because of my abnormal growth spurts Mom, Dad, and I had to leave Forks when I was three to avoid attracting attention. The rest of the Cullen family came with us, deciding that their time in Forks had expired for this century. It had hurt Jacob to watch us leave. He had desperately wanted to come with us, but he decided it wouldn't be fair to leave his pack. Our new house is only a two hour run from La Push (for the wolves), but it has limited the amount of time I've had with Jake.

"I'm sorry," he says as he wraps me in a warm hug. "I really don't like making you unhappy."

"Don't worry about me," I say as I disentangle from his embrace. "I don't think going to school with Alice and Jasper will make me miserable." I make a face that contradicts my words.

Jacob laughs at me. "Yeah, it should be fun."

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Reviews would be awesome. Thanks for reading. The next chapter will be up shortly.


	2. The Beginning

Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine. I only own Ben and Lukas.

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I find myself alone, in a classroom with at least thirty students sitting in desks. Alice and Jasper had walked me to the classroom and will undoubtedly be outside the room when class is over. I had insisted, as long as they had to come with, that they didn't have any classes with me. For now, I am on my own. It is also the first time I've ever been alone; without supernatural-creature supervision, that is.

I introduce myself to the teacher and am glad when he doesn't make me introduce myself to the class. I don't mind the many pairs of eyes that are staring at me, but I would rather not attract attention yet. I walk over and sit in the desk the teacher assigns me. The boy sitting across from me is staring. I sweep my eyes quickly over the room and realize that, despite not being formally introduced, I am still the focus of attention. Everyone is trying to sneak a glance, except one person: the guy sitting behind the boy across from me. His loose blond hair dangles in his face as his hand races across a piece of paper.

"Hi, I'm Ben. Are you new here?" the boy across from me asks. I can hear his heart speed up when I look at him.

"Yes, my name is Nessie," I say.

"Nessie?"

"Yes, like the Loch Ness Monster," I smile at Ben, remembering why my mother hated my nickname.

He smiles, revealing straight, white teeth. "Nessie the Loch Ness Monster it is then."

"My real name is Renesmee," I inform him.

"That's really pretty," Ben blushes.

"And abnormal," I complain.

"Well…"

I laugh as the teacher calls the class to order. The class is Calculus 101. It is a class for seniors, although I am enrolled as a junior. I am a little too smart for my own class. I'm too smart for this class as well. We are learning about limits, a concept my dad taught me a year ago, when I was being "home-schooled." After a brief lecture (which I only half listen to; I am a little distracted by the rustling papers on the desk behind me. The student was searching frantically for her lost homework) the teacher assigns us a few pages of class work to complete by the end of the hour and tells us to pair up.

Ben turns to face me. "Do you want to work with me? I am not that bad at math."

The guy behind Ben chuckles. "Don't listen to him," the boy looks at me and leans forward confidentially. "I am usually his partner. He is terrible at math."

"Thanks, man," Ben raises his eyes in mock despair.

But only part of me is listening to Ben. The other part is staring in shock at his friend. The boy has severely pale skin that looks (and probably is) as hard as stone. His eyes are a familiar liquid gold. My heart begins to pound, a sound I'm sure he hears.

"I… wouldn't want to keep you from working together," I mutter, looking down at my desk.

"Oh, that's not a problem," Ben assures me with his light green eyes. "Lukas doesn't like working with me anyway."

Lukas gives him a mocking smile. I feel myself grow light-headed. Have I been holding my breath?

"I… don't feel good," I lie. I need to get out of this room and away from Lukas. Now!

Ben frowns with concern. "I can show you where the nurse's office is," he offers. Lukas is peering at me curiously from under his eyelashes. I panic. He is starting to notice how different I am from the humans! Dad is going to be furious when he hears about this. I bolt out of my chair.

"No, that isn't necessary. I'll be able to find it. I just need to go." And with that, I grab my bag and leave at a faster-than-normal-human-walking pace.

Alice is by my side the second the door hides her from view. I hurry into her arms, trying to calm my racing heart. I don't know why, but I feel like I want to cry. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I look at Alice.

"Does this mean I can't go to school anymore?"

Alice doesn't say anything as she ushers me out of the building and to the car where Jasper is waiting to take us back to the Cullen house. I fight tears the whole drive home.

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Sorry it's so short. The next chapter will be longer and it is really fun to write so it should be up shortly, as long as I get a couple reviews :)


	3. What Now?

Ok, sorry that this isn't really good (well, in my opinion it isn't). I didn't have as much time as I wanted to perfect it, so it might be revised later. But probably not.

Thanks to all my reviewers. You know who you are. The reviews made my day(s) as I worked on this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the characters from Twilight.

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"How could this happen, Alice?" Edward bellowed. Jasper and Alice sat on a couch in the family room as Edward paced back and forth. He had just finished listening to them recount what had happened and he was furious. Bella stood leaning against the wall with a far-away look in her tensed gold eyes.

Alice looked calmly up at Edward and said, "I can't see him."

Edward stopped suddenly. After a split second of stillness he whirled to face Alice. "What?" he spat.

"I can't see him. I tried to see him before I knew he existed and I have tried to see him now that I know he exists. I can't see him."

Edward opened his mouth, but before the words came out Bella put her hand gently on his arm. A look of concentration crossed her face as she pushed her shield away from her mind. The flow of thoughts entered Edward's mind. _Edward, be reasonable. This is not Alice's fault. None of us could have guessed there were other vampires around. _He was so astonished to hear her thoughts that he forgot why he was angry.

Bella took advantage of his shock to turn to Alice. "What does it mean?" she asked.

Alice rubbed her eyes. "It means that there is something about him that is blocking my vision. Perhaps he has a type of shield, like yours. Maybe he's different from other vampires. Maybe Renesmee is just in the way. I don't know, but either way, I can't see him."

Edward was on fire again. "You should have seen this coming."

Alice stood up, the anger clear on her face and thoughts just as sharp. _Do you know how hard it is to see any future with Renesmee? She is a blind spot! I'm trying to see everything through a blind eye! Even if I could see this vampire, there would have been a possibility that I still wouldn't have seen him. I care about Renesmee just as much as you do and I feel terrible that I didn't see this coming, but this is not my fault and you would be wise to never say so again!_

Edward closed his eyes, raising his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. "We need to leave. We can't stay here," he said quietly.

"What?" Bella stepped in front of Edward. "We have only just got settled here. It was our fault that everyone had to leave Forks. We can't ask them to leave again."

"No, Bella. Edward is right. Renesmee can't stay here," Alice said quietly.

"And why not?" Bella said angrily.

"Bella, we have only just avoided a fight with the Volturi. Do we really want to cause problems with another vampire clan and give the Volturi the excuse they need to come and attack us?" Edward asked softly.

"Weren't any of you listening to Renesmee? The vampire had golden eyes! He is like us. He is on our side. It doesn't make any sense to leave when we don't even know if we are being threatened."

"Bella is right," Jasper said. Everyone turned their heads in shock to look at Jasper.

"What are you talking about Jasper?" Edward asked coldly.

"From a logical standpoint, it would be better to stay where we are and find out who this vampire is. Find the information we need, and then decide what we want to do about the situation. If we leave now, he or they might try to follow us. It could attract too much attention. We have a better chance of keeping Renesmee hidden if we stay here and lay low," Jasper explained. Bella smiled gratefully.

"If this vampire's shield works like Bella's, he could be hiding an entire army of vampires and Alice wouldn't be able to see them! Is that really what is best for this family?" Edward exploded.

"You're blowing this out of proportion, Edward," Jasper said. He released calm waves of emotion at Edward, but Edward's anger was beyond manipulation.

"You are all being absurd. If you think there is any way I am letting Renesmee go back to that school you're all crazy!"

"We never said anything about Renesmee going back to school," Bella said. "I would agree that until we figure out who this vampire is, Renesmee shouldn't go back to school."

There was a pause. "You are implying that Renesmee should eventually go back to school," Edward said.

"I don't see why she wouldn't go back as long as this vampire isn't a threat."

"Did you see how terrified she was? She was crying!"

Alice laughed. "Edward, you can read her mind! Can you honestly say that she was crying because she was scared of the vampire?"

Shocked into silence, Edward opened his mind to listen to the soft thoughts coming from the upstairs bedroom. _Please Dad, let me go back to school._

"You're right," Edward said, appalled. "She is scared I won't let her go back to school. She shouldn't be scared of me! Why isn't she scared of him? She's only a child."

"Like mother, like daughter," Jasper muttered.

"Edward, if we don't let her go back, she will resent us for eternity," Bella said.

Edward again pinched the bridge of his nose with his hand and began to pace again. He couldn't keep Renesmee from going back to school, but there was no way he could let her go either. He stopped and stood completely still for ten minutes, his mind reeling. Finally, Bella stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Let's not decide anything until we find out who this vampire is," she whispered. Edward nodded stiffly and drew his wife into a close embrace, drawing strength from her. Bella's voice entered his mind. _Being a parent is terrifying. What is the right move to make?_

The next chapter may not be up for a while. Sorry, but the weekend had ended sooner than I had anticipated. Reviews are inspiring and will give me incentive to speed up.

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	4. Reality

Hey everyone! Sorry, I know this took a really long time, but hopefully it was worth it. This chapter is extra long!

I wanted to answer maddie's question. She asked:

Now wait a sec... I'm really confused... can Nessie read minds from a distance like her dad or are you showing it from Edward's pov? Is Nessie falling for this Lukas guy? Even after Jake imprinted on her? Or is she just freaking out?  
FYI your story is starting out really good! keep up the writing! I wanted to write from Nessie's pov too but i couldn't get my brain to work... Oh Well!

First I want to say thank you maddie. If I am confusing you I want you to tell me so that I can clarify. The last chapter was in the third person narrative. What that means is that a-third-party-outsider-with-no-personal-interest-in-the-matter (which would be me) is telling what happened. So far, Nessie was freaking out because Lukas meant that Edward wasn't going to let her go to school anymore, and as mentioned in the first chapter, Nessie wants to go to school. And I should tell you that Nessie doesn't know that Jacob has imprinted on her or even what that would mean.

Hope that clears things up. If you guys have any more questions, please do not hesitate to ask. This chapter is in Nessie's viewpoint again. Enjoy the new chapter!

**Disclaimer: **I only own Lukas and Ben. Thats it!

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I am annoyed when my dad moves to walk closer to me. I brush my hand lightly against his and send him a picture of my annoyance. The two of us are attracting the attention of everyone in the hall, and there are many people in the hall. My dad's jaw is clenched as if he is in pain. He might be. It has been a while since he was near so many people and had to hear all of their thoughts. Serves him right.

I have been waiting for today for two weeks. Emmett, Rosalie, Dad, and Carlisle went out every day, running around the school, and in the wooded areas near the city. They even went into the school and the math classroom where I had met Lukas. They couldn't find anything unusual. No vampire scent anywhere. I have begun to wonder if Lukas really was a vampire or if he had been merely a figment of my imagination. Maybe he doesn't even exist at all.

The two weeks of waiting were much worse than they should have been because I didn't see Jacob once. He had called my mom while I had been at school that first day to tell her that he had some serious wolf issues down in La Push to deal with and wouldn't be able to be in touch for a while. He had hung up before my mom could ask what the problem was. It has been driving both my parents and me crazy. It has to be very serious to keep Jacob from coming to see us. Mom wanted to go to La Push to see if she could help, but when I said I wanted to go with, Dad and the rest of the Cullens told her to wait until after we resolved our own mystery. This is the longest I have gone without seeing Jacob since I got back from Isle Esme.

After two long weeks of waiting with no trace of the vampire (or of Jacob), I had decided to convince my parents to let me go back to school. They didn't like the idea very much. It took a lot of arguing and negotiating, but they finally agreed to let me go back to school on one condition: my dad has to come with me. He is posing as my older brother and we have the exact same schedule.

I had made it through history class before I started panicking. I'm not sure what to expect when Dad and I walk into the math room. Will Lukas be there? If he is there, and if he is a vampire, what will my dad do?

My heart beats louder with every step. My dad peers down at me, each beat of my heart making him wince. About ten steps and we will be in the room. One, keep breathing. Two, don't speed up. Three, oh, just hurry up!I cover the distance in an instant, too wound up to keep my steady pace or to care if my dad will reprimand me. I peer through the doorframe. My heart pretty much stops.

He is sitting there, looking at me as if he has been waiting an eternity just to see me. For a moment I am mesmerized by the deep golden eyes I am so familiar with (so I didn't imagine him; he is definitely a vampire).

In the next instant my dad is by my side, his face void of expression. That is not a good sign. I wait for half a second, studying Dad's face for a reaction, and then impatiently walk into the room. My dad moves with me, staying within an arms length.

"Hey, Nessie!" Ben, who I did not see sitting front of Lukas, smiles in greeting. I feel the glower on my dad's face and Ben's smile falters. "Er… Renesmee?"

I give my dad a pointed look. "Edward," I try not to laugh as I call my dad by his first name, "Why don't you go check in with the teacher?" The scowl becomes more defined as my dad turns and walks quickly to the front of the room.

"Your friend?" Lukas asks, managing to look like he both wants to know and doesn't care at the same time.

"No, Edward is my… brother," I want to laugh at the strange lies I just told. Lukas squints his gold eyes as his lips form into a small smile, as if he wants to laugh along with me. Dad is back, not inches from my arm, the scowl replaced with a blank mask. I place my hand on my dad's arm, sending him a question: what is Lukas thinking? Although I know that I'm not getting an answer, not with Lukas in hearing range.

Lukas is staring at my dad, and my dad is staring at Lukas. The tension is palpable, seems to fill the whole room, making everyone squirm in anticipation. A few people look over at my dad with interest, others with fear, and many avoid looking at him at all. Slowly, I move around my dad and sit in my desk. My eyes meet Ben's and he looks just as uncomfortable as I feel.

"What did I miss while I was gone Ben?" I ask. _Stop Dad! You're making everyone uncomfortable, _I say in my head. My dad seems too concentrated on Lukas's thoughts to acknowledge mine.

"You missed a lot," Ben says, looking relieved to have a distraction. "Two weeks is a long time to miss school. Where were you?"

I feel my dad listening as I answer. "I was really sick," I say.

"You're ok now, right?" Ben teases, leaning back just incase.

"I'm not contagious," I assure him. And then, because I want to make my dad mad, I lean forward and touch his hand. "I still have a small fever," I say as Ben winces, surprised by my warm skin. I hear Dad growl under his breath. Success! I laugh. This is the most fun I've had in weeks!

I place my hand back on my desk as the teacher says, "Edward, could you please sit down? We are about to start class." Slowly, my dad turns to face the front of the room, his muscles locking stiffly, everyone holding their breath as he sits in his desk.

I listen to the lesson with only part of my brain. The other part is very distracted by the burning tension pressing against my back as my father and Lukas keep their muscles tensed and jaws clenched. At least they are both pretending to pay attention to the teacher and not glaring at each other.

The bell finally rings. I am quick to put my notebook away in my backpack and I wait for Dad as he puts his things away. He won't look at me, and it scares me. What is he planning on doing in a room surrounded by humans?

Slowly, he meets my demanding eyes and says, "Nessie, go ahead. I'll meet you in the next class."

I tense. Part of me wants to run out of the room and enjoy my freedom while it lasts, but the other part of me wants to know what my dad plans on doing while I'm gone. "I can wait," I say.

"Please, Renesmee," Dad sighs.

Still suspicious, I back out of the room slowly. I drag my feet (very human-like) as I walk down the hall, not seeing anything, only listening to my dad breathing, in and out. I force my mind to go blank, trying to make my thoughts invisible from my dad. I know it works when I hear my dad talk.

"Stay away from her," he hisses to Lukas and I hear Lukas's eyebrows rise.

"Why? What do you have to hide?" Lukas replies, his voice burning with curiosity.

Dad leans closer threateningly, his clothes rustling with the movement. "There are more than just the two of us in my family. I suggest that you not pick a fight with us." I hear the whistle of wind as my dad leaves the room.

My mind numbs as my feet carry me outside. I pass Ben, who is sitting at a table with a lot of guys making a lot of noise. I murmur a "hey" when he smiles at me and keep on walking. Soon I am no longer on school campus. I am in a forest dense with trees and underbrush. I don't know how far I have gone, but finally I regain enough control of my brain to stop and sit on a fallen tree. I lean my head back and close my eyes. I didn't want to start a fight. I have put my parents and my family through enough fighting already. I guess Mom and Dad were right. It had been a bad idea to come back to school. I hate it when they're right.

My ears hear the faint whisper of wind that could only have been stirred by a moving vampire. I stay where I am, sure that it is my dad. His voice proves me wrong.

"Renesmee? Are you all right?" Lukas asks. With my eyes shut, his voice flows with the cadence of a smooth river. I lift my eyelids, and slowly his face comes into view. He is standing slightly crouched, as if ready to run if something jumps out at him.

"What do you want?" I ask.

"You left the school, but your brother didn't follow you. I was curious as to why. He seems very… protective," he says. I frown; my dad must have been very preoccupied to have passed by my scent without following me. I don't say anything. I have nothing to say to Lukas. After a while, Lukas asks, "What are you?"

My face moves mechanically as I answer. "What do you mean?"

"You're not human. Your heart beats too fast. Your skin is too warm. I can feel the heat from here."

"As I told Ben, I have a temperature. As for my heart, it's a medical condition," I say with my best poker face. He doesn't seem to buy my lie.

"You're skin is warm even for a human who has a small temperature and you don't smell like a human. Is that a medical condition as well?"

I stand up, infuriated. "Why does it matter to you what I am? Why can't you leave my family alone?"

Lukas raises his hands in a sign of defeat. "I'm not asking for information about your family. I just want to know why you are so different."

"I can't tell you, ok? Just let it go," I say. I sit down on my tree again, expecting him to leave me in peace. Instead, he sits down next to me. I glare at him.

"Ok, I'll let it go. Aren't you going to come back inside? Your brother will be looking for you," he says.

"No, I'm not going back inside," I say quietly.

"And why not?"

"Because I hadn't anticipated having such a problem as you when I started going to school."

"I'm a problem?" He laughs a short chuckle, making me see images of raindrops falling thoughtlessly off waxy green leaves in the summer.

"Yes, you are a BIG problem. My dad wasn't going to let me come to school in the first place, and now that he's seen you it has ruined everything!"

"Your dad has seen me?" Lukas asks, looking slightly alarmed.

"He's seen you through my eyes. He can read minds," I cover my tracks quickly.

"So he's talented," Lukas says, the corners of his mouth turning down slightly.

"You could say that," I answer. I'm getting sick of the interrogation.

"What about your mother?" Lukas asks.

"What about my mother? You said you weren't looking for information on my family," I growl angrily. Have I said too much?

"I just want to know how much trouble I am going to be in for talking to you," Lukas smiles. "If your dad can read minds, he will know about our conversation."

I smile. "Don't worry. I'm very good at not thinking around him. Seven years of practice has served me well."

"Seven years?" he asks, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

I stand up quickly, my face a composed mask. "You need to leave now," I say quietly.

In an instant he is standing, a sly smile on his face. "I will see you again, Renesmee." He disappears into the shadows of the trees.

After my several seconds of uncertainty passed, I whisper, "It's Nessie."


	5. Black Shadows

Yay, new chapter! I am actually really proud of myself for finishing this so soon (I know, I took a long time. Sorry).

**Disclaimer: Same as usual. You all should know by now what is mine and what is Stephenie Meyer's.**

I am lying sprawled out on the floor of the living room reading a book. Softly in the background I can hear Dad playing the piano, the gentle notes cascading into intricate patterns. Alice is torturing Mom with dresses and high heels upstairs. Carlisle is in his study, and Esme is in the kitchen making lunch for me, since I didn't want to go "hunting" with Emmett and Rosalie. Jasper is sitting on the couch next to me. He hasn't let me out of his sight since we discovered Lukas was around.

I have made it through a week of school without killing my dad for glaring at Ben every time he tried to talk to me and for threatening Lukas into completely ignoring my existence. It has been a week and I haven't seen Jacob once. I manage to keep myself busy during the day, but at night when I have nothing to do but fall asleep the shadow that I fight during the day falls over me and whether I'm actually thinking about Jacob or not, I find it hard to breath.

It is odd because I've been away from Jacob for longer than three weeks before and it wasn't this painful. I guess have begun to think of Jacob as _my_ Jacob, that I was as important to him as he is to me. But his duty as a werewolf is important too, I guess.

I think Mom went to Forks while Dad and I were gone at school. She has been trying to hide her anxiety all week, and the rest of the Cullens pretend they don't notice anything is wrong with her. Yesterday I asked Mom if she had talked to Jacob recently. She and Dad shared one of their looks, the one that said, "How much do we tell her?"

I hate not being in the know.

In the other room, my dad's beautiful song cuts off with a blaring screech. In the silence that follows the odd noise, I hear my dad exhale with a hiss. Jasper is suddenly hovering over me. Mom and Alice fly down the stairs; Alice comes to a stop next to Jasper as Mom continues on to the piano room. I get up, slow and weary. What is going on? Jasper looks at Alice with the same question in his eyes; Alice is looking off into the distance, trying to see the future. Her eyes are wild as they blink back to the present, a deer caught in the headlights, trying to see a future that isn't there.

I hear my dad growl, "He's here."

"Who?" my mom asks.

In the distance, I hear the rhythm of familiar feet gliding over soft grass. I gasp. Mom and Dad surround me protectively.

"What is it Renesmee?" Mom reaches for my hand. I give her an image of pale and beautiful Lukas. Mom turns on Dad. "Who is that?"

"The vampire," Dad growls again.

Carlisle and Esme join us. We all listen as Lukas approaches the house. The tension in the room is too familiar, making my heart race with unreasonable fear. It isn't Lukas that I fear; the tension is bringing images of the Volturi's flowing black robes swaying with their deathly graceful march to the front of my mind. Jasper looks at me, having taken in my mood, and then crouches in front of me, blocking me from the door. The rest of my family follows suit.

Seconds pass; there is a light knock on our door. Dad and Carlisle share a look, and Carlisle steps forward to open the door. The cold expression looks foreign on his face.

"Hello, Lukas," Carlisle's tone is almost threatening, and I begin to wonder who this man that looks like my Carlisle is.

"Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Cullen," Lukas says. From the look on his face, he assumes that Carlisle is my dad, the mind reader. Dad looks at me suspiciously as he reads Lukas's thoughts. Crap.

Lukas turns his head to look at me. A small "oh" escapes his lips when he sees the rest of my family hovered in front of me.

I smile weakly. "Hi, Lukas," my voice squeaks.

Lukas looks at Dad. "Wow, you weren't kidding."

Everyone looks at Dad. "Kidding about what?" he asks slowly. He throws another glance in my direction.

"When you said your family was big. I didn't believe it. I had to see it for myself."

Dad growls. "That's not why you're here, is it?"

"No," he says lightly. "I actually wanted to talk to Renesmee."

"I told you to stay away," Dad hisses.

"Dad…" I say, stepping forward to put my hand on his arm.

Lukas's head whirls back and forth, looking at my face, and then at my dad's. "_Dad,_" he asks, failing to hide his shock. Wait, did I say Dad? Uh oh.

Dad doesn't look at me as he says, "That's right, I'm her father." After a moment, Dad says, "I don't have the time or the patience to play those games with you." Another pause. "I don't owe you anything!"

I look anxiously at Dad and Lukas, wishing I could read their thoughts. I want to be in the conversation too. Dad sighs and looks at me. "She might as well tell you herself," he says softly, answering Lukas's unspoken question. I stare at my dad confused; I don't understand his words.

"Nessie, it's ok. He wants to know what you are. Show him."

I look at Lukas. _Show him?_ I ask skeptically in my head. Dad nods, and I step forward. Mom growls; Dad places a hand on her arm to stop her. I walk around Carlisle, Lukas watching me wearily.

"What are you doing?" Lukas asks as I gingerly place my right hand on his cheek. He flinches but doesn't back away.

"Answering your questions," I say. The images start to flow from my hand.

Dad murmurs, "Not that, Nessie" when I am about to show him the werewolves, but everything else I show him. I show him my mom as a human. I show him my whole family, excluding Grandpa, Sue, and the werewolves. I let the images show my amazement that I was lucky enough to have such a wonderful family. I show him Nahuel, the only other half-vampire I have seen.

When the images stop Lukas looks at me in awe. "Really?" he says, his voice light and breathless. As I move my hand from his face, his expression changes to a burning longing. His golden eyes hold me in a trance; I almost forget to breathe.

Dad comes up behind me, growling. "Get out," he snaps, breaking my trance. I am surprised to see his face is twisted in anger. Lukas looks surprised, too. "You got your answers. Now get out of our house!" Dad says again, louder.

Lukas smiles at me, a smile that makes my heart pound, as he turns and leaves without saying another word. I watch him retreat until I can't see him anymore.

I am suddenly aware of the stares of my family. Everyone is looking at me expectantly. I feel very small under their stares, Dad's especially.

"You talked to him without telling me?" Dad says accusingly. I suddenly want to cry.

"We didn't talk about anything important-"

"Nothing important?!" Dad says incredulously.

"And if you hadn't been so distracted, you would have noticed that I had left the building, and I wouldn't have gotten to talk to him at all," I continue, my anger quickly growing to match my dad's.

"Why did you leave the building?"

"Because I had decided that you were right! I was going to stop going to school."

Dad closed his mouth, no longer sure what we were arguing about.

I took advantage of his silence. "Because I didn't want to be the cause of another fight." Tears started to swirl in my eyes, blurring my vision. I can feel the change in the tension in the room. No one in my family has ever liked to see me cry.

"I didn't tell you that I had talked to him because I didn't think that it mattered. Lukas hasn't talked to me since then, and I thought the chance that this would turn into a fight was gone," I go on, not liking the silence that has suddenly choked my family. I feel cool arms draw me into a hug.

"It wasn't your fault. None of this is your fault," my mother coos.

I cry harder, leaning into her for support. No matter what my mom says, it has always been my fault.

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Review please. Thanks to all my reviewers. You make me happy.


	6. Winter and Summer

Drum roll please! This is by far my favorite chapter yet! I think you guys will love it too. And let me just warn you now: if you aren't sitting down yet, SIT DOWN! At least, I hope this chapter is sitting-down worthy.

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

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I am tired of silence, of whispering, of _secrets._

Rosalie and Emmett found all of us standing in a motionless clutter when they returned from hunting. None of us had moved after Lukas had left. I think everyone was waiting for me to leave the room. Mom finally insisted that I go to bed. That is when the whispers started. They whisper on purpose; they know something that they don't want me to know.

I'm too wound up to sleep, so I am lying here trying to catch some of what they are saying. The whispers turn into a soft hissing as they begin to argue. Out of boredom I allow my ears to expand their hearing range. I can instantly hear the wind whistle as it passes through the trees. The sound is unbroken until it reaches a clearing in the woods where the wind is suddenly repelled by the trees. In the distance, far enough away that my family busy with their whispered argument downstairs on the other side of the house wouldn't hear, I hear familiar footsteps passing through that clearing. Lukas's footsteps. What is he doing?

I immediately force my mind to go blank. I don't want Dad to hear my thoughts.

But where is he going? What does he think he's doing?

I rise to my feet slowly. I wince when the bed creaks. Knowing that everyone downstairs heard me get up, I tell Dad with my thoughts that I am just walking around my room a little. I hear him reassure everyone downstairs, and their conversation continues. I cautiously lower myself and lean against the wall under the window in my room. I wait until I am sure that they are deep in conversation, and then I make my mind go blank to make it seem as if I've fallen asleep.

As I am getting up to climb out the window, I hear my mom say, "…Lukas Jake's… competition?" I freeze. Jacob and Lukas what?

"No, he's not who I saw," Alice says. I hear her hands rub against her temples. "I can't see that vampire," she spits the word vampire, "at all. I just wish I knew why…"

The conversation moves to another topic, and I am no longer interested in listening. I just want to escape. I climb out my window and scale the wall until I am close enough to the ground to jump without making noise. I can only hope that they are too distracted to hear the soft scraping that my nails make as they dig into the bricks. Maybe they'll think Jacob has come over to see me. He used to scale my wall all the time, although he was much noisier.

The second my feet hit the lithe grass, I am running. I know that I made it out of the house without detection when I am several miles away from the house, far enough away that Dad can't hear my thoughts, and I slow my pace a little, enjoying the feeling of the cool breeze brushing against my flaming cheeks. The moon hangs in the unclouded sky, round and full. I can't help but think of Jacob as I look at it. The full moon is his favorite.

I remember the first night I came back from Isle Esme. I was woken from my usual nightmares by Jacob clambering through my window. Seeing my distress, he had gathered me in a hug. He had held me until I had no more tears. When I had managed to regain my composure, I didn't want to go back to sleep. Jacob was with me, and I wasn't going to waste our time together. Jacob had swung me into his arms, and we leapt out the window. We had lain under the full moon, watching as it rose and fell away in the sky. I had fallen asleep cradled in the warmth of his arms.

I run faster, not wanting to think of Jacob. I'm not getting answers from my family; I don't know what's going on down in La Push. I might as well not worry about it too much.

I approach a familiar clearing in the woods. I stop running and stand completely still, trying to catch the smell of a vampire. The wind shifts, but in the breeze I can't smell anything but old trails made by my family and the werewolves. That's weird. I was sure that I had heard Lukas pass through here….

"Lukas?" I whisper. If he had passed through here, he would definitely hear me. I wait impatiently, standing still, trying to hear through the sounds of the moving forest and the screaming wind. After a few minutes I turn around, my shoulders slumped in disappointment, and start to walk back the way I had come. That is when I feel an icy hand rest against my shoulder. My heart leaps into my throat; I scream, the sound suffocated by the wind.

"Nessie, it's ok. It's just me," Lukas spins me around so that I can see his face. His skins glows a cool blue in the moonlight.

"Don't ever do that again," I say through my clenched teeth.

"Sorry," he says, his casual grin making him look not sorry at all.

"What are you doing out here?" I ask.

"I could ask you the same."

"I heard your footsteps. I wanted to see you," I explain. Wait, that's kind of an embarrassing thing to say. I feel a blush creep up into my cheeks.

Lukas laughs lightly. "I'm glad you came to see me. Does your family know that you're out? They will be worried about you." He wiggles his eyebrows in mock concern.

"I told you, I'm very good at controlling my thoughts. As far as my dad knows, I'm asleep on the floor in my room."

"But your family still has super-hearing. How did you sneak out?"

"They are too busy with their own troubles to be worried about me." I shrug.

Lukas takes a step closer. "What is troubling them?" he asks.

I smile and raise my hand to his face. So he has figured out that I like pictures better than words. Sweet.

I show him a picture of my family huddled in a familiar pattern, whispering words that I can't make out. I let my frustration at being left out color the picture. I remember the one thing I had managed to hear Alice say and play it for him. He winces.

"They are talking about me?" he asks. I nod and bring my hand back to my side.

"Out of curiosity, why can't Alice see you?" I ask.

His brow furrows. "Alice is the one who can see the future, right?" I nod again. We stand in silence. The minutes pass. I stand still, watching as his face moves imperceptibly.

"Are you going to answer my question," I break the silence impatiently.

"I'd rather not. It's my secret," he replies calmly.

"But you know all of my secrets. You owe me!" I say. My dad's words from earlier today replay in my ears. _I don't owe you anything._

Lukas smiles. "How about we trade. A secret for a secret."

I chew my lip. "That's not a fair trade," I point out.

Lukas shrugs. "Maybe, maybe not. I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do. It's your choice."

I pretend to consider the offer. I don't have many more secrets to tell him anyway. It's not like I'm making a deal with the devil. "I want answers," I say finally.

He smiles triumphantly. "Let's hear a secret then."

"What do you want to know?" I ask wearily.

"I am going to assume that attending a human school was your idea." When I don't say anything, he continues. "My question is: why?"

"Why do you go to a human school?" I toss his words back at him.

"Is that really the secret you want from me?" his smile is sly, like a cat who thinks he has caught a mouse.

"No!" I say quickly. "I take that back."

We are silent for brief seconds.

"Are you going to answer my question?" He asks, his smile still there.

I sigh, my eyes tightening in concentration. "You just confuse me. You are an actual vampire, whereas I'm still half-human. I wanted to go to school because I haven't spent a lot of time around humans. I wanted to explore what it is like to be human."

I sigh again and continue. "But you… you're a vampire. You must not live with anyone else, because if you did my family would know. Alice can't see you but that doesn't mean she can't see anyone around you. I would think you would want to be roaming the world, looking for someone to be with… so why are you here? I can't figure it out."

Lukas's lips twitch as he listens. He lightly bounces one of the bronze curls hanging around my cheeks. "Don't think so much," he laughs. Everything disappears, all my questions, all my worries, all of my senses, as the sound fills my ears. I imagine crystalline snowflakes catching the light of the moon as they float buoyantly to the ground. I subconsciously feel a need to raise my hand and show Lukas the picture, but I can't feel my hand in my daze. In another dimension, the cold of the winter snow is numbing my hand and I hear Lukas gasp. I blink, and the illusions are gone. I am back to standing in the middle of the forest on a windy autumn night, closer to Lukas than I have ever dared to be before.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. I stay frozen inches away from his face with my hand on his cheek, unwilling to break away from the unmarred perfection of his glowing golden eyes. The warmth of summer shines his eyes as they widen.

"That was incredible," he breathes. A thrill tingles up my spine when he doesn't move away.

The wind picks up, swirling spatters of red and orange leaves around us. I gaze at the gold of summer sunlight in that infinite moment of tranquility.

A cutting wail pierces through the torrential scream of the wind.

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Haha cliffhanger! I'm evil, I know. I also know that the next chapter might take a little longer to write. I am really sorry, but it can't be helped. Review please. I will be more likely to write faster and better if I hear what you guys think of the chapter. Thanks to all of my reviewers for the last chapter. As I've said to several people, you made my day(s).


	7. Howling Wind

Ok, I'm back. Sorry that it took so long to write, but I did warn you.

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

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It is a sound I have never heard him make before. I am so shocked that I break my gaze with Lukas. I turn just in time to see wolf-Jacob jump into the clearing, the russet fur raised on his neck.

My immediate reaction is to feel an aching joy. My Jacob has finally come to see me! I almost run and throw my arms around his neck. A big smile lights up my whole face and I can feel myself glow with happiness.

Jacob leaps at Lukas, and my bubble of happiness pops. I quickly place myself between Jacob and Lukas. Jacob twirls mid-air to avoid hitting me, landing nimbly on his feet a yard away. Turning around to face us again, Jacob growls, a warning for me to get out of the way. Lukas grabs my hand and tries to pull me behind him. Jacob howls, infuriated that Lukas is touching me. He makes another run at Lukas. At the last second I twist out of Lukas's grasp and position myself in front of him.

"Jake, stop!" I shout. Jake stops, but he doesn't relax his position. The wind howls, doing nothing to abate the tension. I stay where I am, between Jacob and Lukas, ready to stop a fight if one breaks out. Jacob growls again.

"You know this werewolf?" Lukas asks me, his voice high pitched with his astonishment.

Keeping my voice even, I say, "He's not a werewolf. He's Jacob. And yes, I know him. I have known him ever since I was born. He won't hurt me, so stay behind me. I don't want this to turn into a fight." Then, projecting my voice, I call out to Jacob, "Some greeting. I don't see you for three weeks and you attack me?"

Jacob growls again; this time a small whine escapes out with the rumble in his throat. Lukas takes a step forward, moving closer to me. Again Jacob growls, the sound strong and protective.

"Renesmee, get out of the way. Whether you know him or not, werewolves can't control themselves when the full moon is out," Lukas says.

Impatiently, I reach out and touch Lukas's hand (Jacob howling his dislike the whole time) and send him a picture of Jacob changing from human to wolf in broad daylight, patches of clothing that were once whole fluttering to the ground. I send the sound of my dad explaining to Aro how the werewolves are not actually werewolves but shape shifters. I show him a picture of Jacob the first time I saw him.

_Jacob had been trembling violently from head to toe, but when he saw me, the trembling stopped. His muscles had completely relaxed, and the expression on his face was tender and his eyes were wide with wonder. When I had first seen Jacob and the expression on his face, I had known that he would never hurt me._

I drop my hand back to my side, sure that I had convinced Lukas that Jacob was not dangerous to me. Then I hear Lukas growl and frustration clouds my thinking. I turn around and glare at Lukas, and then I turn to Jacob. "Jacob, go change. We need to be able to talk to each other," I command.

Jacob doesn't move. A low whine escapes his teeth. I sigh. "I will be fine Jacob. Lukas isn't going to hurt me, and he isn't going to hurt you." Jacob growls. "Please," I beg softly.

Jacob doesn't move. I am exasperated and about to go push him into the woods when he turns around and disappears into the trees.

Lukas's eyes dart back and forth, searching for Jacob. "Where did he go?" he asks.

"To change back into his human form. He'll be back," I explain.

Jacob strides into the clearing a second later. He grabs my wrist, and pulls me behind him, away from Lukas. He moves threateningly close to Lukas.

"Jake, don't," I say, trying to pull him away. Jake doesn't listen to me.

"How did you do that?" Lukas asks, his expression full of hatred and disgust.

"Who are you?" Jacob demands, ignoring Lukas's question.

Lukas hisses. "I could ask you the same, mutt."

"Jacob, Lukas. Lukas, Jacob," I say, rolling through the introductions quickly. They both ignore me and continue to stare each other down. "Guys, come on. This is hardly necessary," I whine. Still they ignore me. Now I am getting angry. "Will you both listen to me?" I shout.

That got their attention. They both turn and stare. I feel my cheeks turn red. "Jake, what is your problem. Lukas is my friend from school. He doesn't drink human blood. He's not dangerous to me or you. Why are you attacking him?"

Jake studies my expression for a minute. "Does Edward know you are out here with this vampire?" he finally asks.

I shrug my shoulders and look down at my feet. He has found my weak spot. "Um…not really," I mutter.

Jacob scowls and turns on Lukas again. "You're lucky she's here or you would be dead by now."

"Jake!" I exclaim.

"You are mistaken. You are the lucky one, mutt," Lukas retorts.

I know I have to do something fast if I want to stop them from ripping each other's throats out, but I can't think properly. I don't understand why Jake is being so rude to Lukas. My thoughts are jumbled. Images flash in my mind, trying to piece together the puzzle.

I see Jake crawling through my window before my first day of school. I see Lukas, his face clouded in a blue mist…my mom's face, the worry she has tried to hide from me for the past couple weeks slipping through her mask…Lukas out in the woods talking to me…raindrops and snowflakes falling as he laughs…Jake attacking, his fur rippling red, some pain making his fur stick up…Lukas crouching to fight.

Stop!" I shout. A small growl escapes my lips as I close my eyes and rub my temples. I feel warm hands touch my wrists.

"Nessie, are you ok?" Jake asks gently. I just shake my head. I can't talk yet. Jake gasps as my confusion leaks through my hands and gives him an image of swirling colors. A feeling of vertigo passes over me. Reflexively, Jake lets go of my wrists. I start to fall backwards, no longer able to keep my balance. Two cold hands steady me.

"Let go of her!" I hear Jake roar. The cold hands are replaced by warm ones.

"We need to get her home," Lukas says, his voice icy.

"Don't tell me what to do," Jake snaps.

"Fine. I'll take her home." Cold hands start to tug on my arm and my feet begin to move. Jake growls, keeping his hands on my other shoulder.

"If you touch her one more time…" he threatens.

"What? What can you do to me? You couldn't lay a hand on me even if you wanted to. Nessie likes me."

Jake growls. "Don't call her that!"

"Call her what? Nessie?"

"Yes!"

"I think it is Nessie's choice whether she wants me to call her that or not," Lukas replies calmly.

My dizziness having subsided, I become aware that they are arguing about me. I step away from the two of them and say, "Let's go, Jake. I'll see you on Monday, Lukas."

"Oh, no you don't," Lukas says, moving to block my exit. "I'm coming with you. You owe me some answers."

"She doesn't owe you anything," Jake growls. Why does everyone keep saying that today?

"Lukas," I plea, "If you come with me, Dad will know that I left the house. He will be furious, at both of us. He may not let me come back to school. I won't be able to see you again."

"Actually, Nessie, he should come with us." I look at Jake in surprise. "I have a few questions that I need to ask him, and Edward _is_ going to want to rip his head off. He might as well come with us and get it over with," he says.

"Please, don't tell Dad," I beg.

"I'm sorry, Nessie, but I need to keep you safe," Jake says.

"But I'm not in danger," I argue.

Jake moves closer to me, clasping his arms around my shoulders. His intense eyes gaze into mine. "Yes, you are Nessie. He's dangerous, don't you see that?" Jake says in a low voice.

I shrug out from under his hands. An unreasonable anger courses through my blood. "No, I don't see that. Maybe I would if you and everyone else would tell me what has been going on. Why haven't you come to see me in three weeks? Why can you tell my mom what has been going on in La Push but not me? What, you felt it wasn't necessary to tell me? Did you think I was too young to understand? I'm not a kid anymore, Jake!" I shout. Frustrating tears blur my vision. Through the layer of tears I can see both Jake and Lukas staring at me in shock.

I don't say anything more. Feeling betrayed, I spin on my heels and run back to the house, trying to put as much distance between myself and the two boys behind me as I can. To my annoyance, they both catch up quickly. I keep my head down and concentrate on keeping the hot tears from pouring down my cheeks.

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Wow, Nessie cries a lot. Ok, so the next chapter will start to answer some questions about Lukas and Jacob and things will hopefully become less mysterious. I would be interested to know what you guys want to know about Lukas/Jacob, so tell me in a review, if you want to. Any review would be great. I'm not sure how long the next chapter will take to write, so be warned that it might take a while.


	8. Secrets and Mysteries

Hehe! I got to see the Twilight movie on Tuesday... before it came out. I felt pretty cool. I won't say anything about it other than if you go to Stephenie Meyer's website, Seth's sentiments match mine exactly.

Ok, I'm done bragging now. First, I want to say sorry for keeping everyone in suspense for so long. However, this chapter is the longest one I have written, so that should make up for my absence.

I think I answer all of your questions in this chapter, Maye-Girl. However, I do want to clarify something for everyone. I have interpreted Nessie's power to mean that her sense of sight is the strongest of her senses. That is why Nessie sees images of snowflakes when Lukas laughs, or why if she is really mad at someone, they appear red. Nessie uses colors and images to express emotion. She is very visually oriented. If that doesn't make sense to you, please tell me, because it is important to understanding my story.

One last note: This chapter might be really confusing. If it is, ask me to clarify.

**_Disclaimer: Same as always._**

_DAD! _I shout in my mind as soon as we are close enough for him to hear. _I want to know the truth! You and mom are _not_ sending me to my room while you whisper this time. I have every right to know what is going on, especially now!_

Once finished with my rant, I content myself by concentrating on my muscles burning underneath me, feeling the cold air rush painfully into my lungs. The pain clears my head and dries my eyes. No more tears tonight, I promise myself.

I can see the house now and my heart pounds in anticipation. Will my dad take his anger out on me or Lukas? I wish he wouldn't get so angry all the time.

Which leads me to ask: why does he get so angry with Lukas? Lukas is like my family in every way. He goes to school with humans, he follows a vegetarian diet. I would think that the Cullens would be thrilled to find another vampire with their morals. Even Carlisle is hostile toward him. So what is the big secret?

I will hopefully find out soon.

I am the first one to walk through the door. Dad is waiting for us in the kitchen. I examine his face anxiously. Although I can't see a trace of anger in his face, I don't relax. He can be very good at hiding his anger when he wants to.

Jacob, then Lukas, follow me into the house. Jacob visibly relaxes when he takes in Dad's expression. Jacob must see more in his blank mask than I can. Lukas appears as calm as ever as he walks through our doorway.

Mom is suddenly standing next to me. She wraps me into a hug and I am immediately comforted by her presence. She wouldn't let Dad hurt Lukas. At least not while I was around to see it.

The rest of the family arrives. The only sounds in the kitchen are the sounds of Jacob's heart and my heart beating, our breath moving in and out. I'm pretty sure none of the actual vampires are breathing. I fidget in my mom's arms but she holds me tight.

"Well, Jacob, I guess you should ask your questions first," Dad breaks the silence. "We are all curious about that as well."

What I wouldn't give to be able to read minds.

"You've been passing through Forks a lot lately. It was you, right? There aren't other monsters like you?" Jake asks, pinning Lukas with a cold glare.

"Oh, no. I did not come here to be interrogated," Lukas says.

"Then why are you here?" Jacob exclaims. "You didn't think we'd answer any of your questions before we got answers to ours, did you?"

"I didn't expect anything from _you_," he says coldly, "but I was hoping Renesmee might." Lukas turns toward me expectantly.

"Wha-?" I begin to ask. A chorus of growls erases my train of thought.

"Answer the question or get out," Jake is visibly trembling now. "I can't promise I won't come after you if you leave, however. You are much safer hanging around here. For now."

Lukas becomes a statue, his jaw clamped tight and his fists clenched. His stone skin seems to harden. I panic as I read his decision in his eyes.

"Can I ask a few questions," I ask the room. All eyes, glittering like hard onyx, turn to watch me. Dad gives me a sharp nod. I swallow to prepare myself.

"What has been going on in La Push?" I ask quietly, looking only at Jacob.

"Nessie…" he starts.

"No, don't do that! I can't read minds, and it appears that I am the only one who doesn't know what is going on. Please." I plead.

Jake's eyes soften. "It was the first day you went to school. I was running back to La Push, hoping to help the pack out a little bit before I came back to meet you after school."

He pauses, not sure what else he can tell me. He must see something in my eyes because he sighs and continues. "I would have passed over it without giving it a second thought. I would never have noticed. But I was following your scent. It was an old trail, so I kept my nose to the ground, tracing it carefully.

"Suddenly, it disappeared. I stopped, unable to understand why your trail would just disappear. I pushed my nose closer to the ground, thinking maybe Bella or Edward had carried you for a little ways. But I couldn't smell anything, not even the scent of the earth. I panicked. I thought maybe I had lost my sense of smell altogether. I turned around, going back to the spot where your trail first disappeared."

Jake closes his eyes and shakes his head. I can see him decide to hold nothing back. He is going to tell me everything. "I could still smell your trail, so I knew that I hadn't lost my sense of smell. I walked a little ways, across the invisible line where all scent disappeared. I got to your scent again on the other side. That left me wondering why all scent had disappeared at just that one spot. It turns out there was a line of the non-scent cutting across the forest. I decided to follow the invisible trail.

"It wasn't easy. I was trying to follow nothing. But it led me all the way back to Forks, and to your old house. Sam and the others met me at the house. We couldn't figure out why the vampire smell, which had always been so strong, was suddenly gone. It was Sam who figured out it must be another vampire causing the disappearance of the smell. What else would have the power to erase scents? And what else would be lingering around the Cullen house? Few people even know where it is.

"We went back to La Push, tracing our trails and trying to find the invisible scent on our own territory. There wasn't as much of it, but there were places where all smells disappeared and faded.

"We have been up night and day ever since, searching for the vampire. He seemed to always hover just out of our grasp. New trails appeared every couple days, so we knew the vampire was still around and moving. Moving through _our_ territory."

"That's why I didn't come to see you. We were so busy- we needed everyone to help. And we weren't sure what was drawing the vampire to La Push- he may have been looking for the werewolves. I didn't want to risk leading the vampire to you." Jake concludes.

"But you could have called me," I whisper.

"I didn't want to worry you Nessie. And we didn't want to get any of you involved or make you choose between your kind and ours if it turned into a fight. We didn't want to put any of you in that position," Jake addresses the rest of my family.

"But they all knew," I object.

"Yes. Bella called when I had happened to be at my house on a break. She thought it was best that the rest of the Cullens be informed about what was happening," he says. "And we all agreed that it was best you didn't know."

I breathe in deeply, trying to calm myself. I can talk about being left out later. Right now I need answers.

I look at Lukas. His face is blank, but his eyes glimmer with an odd emotion that I can't comprehend. "So you are talented, too? Why didn't you tell me?" I ask gently.

A small smile tugs on the corners of his lips. "You didn't ask," he says.

I roll my eyes. "So, what, you can manipulate scents?" I ask.

"Not exactly," he says, still smiling. I wait for him to elaborate.

Alice suddenly gasps. "I can't see you!" she says. I wonder if she is delirious; she almost sounds… excited.

Lukas smiles enigmatically. "Yes."

"It is as if you don't exist. And if you don't exist, your future doesn't exist," Alice continues.

I slowly put the clues together. "So… you're untraceable?" I ask.

Lukas's smile glows triumphantly as it widens to reveal his glittering teeth. "Exactly."

"How does that work?" Carlisle jumps in. His eyes glow with enthusiasm. As always, Carlisle is thrilled to have a new mystery to solve.

Lukas seems to shrink away from Carlisle's intensity. He looks at me uncertainly. His expression is so comical that I laugh. Once again I find myself the center of attention as everyone turns to look at me.

"Carlisle loves a good mystery," I explain to Lukas in between chuckles. "He just wants to solve the puzzle."

Lukas smiles at me and then turns to Carlisle. "I'm not completely sure," he explains to Carlisle. "I think it works like a shield, hiding me in plain sight, so-to-speak. It is as if I don't exist, which, as Alice has guessed, is probably why she can't see my future. Of course, I do exist, as you can see, but a tracker has trouble tracking a _scent_ that doesn't exist. There isn't a tracker I have met who has been able to track me down."

"Except for the wolves," I correct him. _I wonder if Demetri could find him,_ I think unwillingly, immediately regretting it as my dad hears the thought and tenses.

"But your shield has holes," Dad says. "I can still read your mind."

"Yes," Lukas says. "I'm not sure why that is. Perhaps, as you suggest, there are holes in the shield that protects me from discovery. Or perhaps it isn't a shield that protects me at all."

"Or perhaps," I jump in, wanting to give my theory, "because you really do exist, and your thoughts are real, Dad can hear them."

"To be honest, I hadn't been sure if I was really hearing your thoughts," Dad admits. "I have been on edge all week, wondering why I could hear them. It was hard to trust anything you thought, and especially hard to trust you since you were causing problems with the wolves."

"You knew that he had this power? That he was the vampire Jake was looking for?" Mom exclaims.

"Of course, Bella. I'm surprised you didn't figure it out sooner. Why else had we not been able to find Lukas those two weeks after Nessie went to school?" Dad explains.

"And why else would we have not known that he was around in the first place," Esme adds.

Dad turns to Jasper. "Can you feel his emotions?" he asks.

Jasper grimaces. "Yes, I can."

"Interesting," Dad mutters.

"Fascinating," says Carlisle.

The atmosphere is abruptly buoyant. Everyone is excited to finally have the mystery unraveled.

Except for Jake, that is.

"Excuse me," Jacob says harshly. "I understand that this is _interesting_ to all of you, but he still hasn't told us why he was down in La Push."

Everyone is instantly somber. We all turn and watch as a flash of panic crosses Lukas's face. My eyebrows pull together in concern for Lukas. I step forward and touch his hand lightly. I expect to hear Jake growl, but the room is completely silent. I send Lukas a picture of the snowflakes that his laugh had conjured in the woods. The image is not as strong as it had been then, but it is my way of reassuring him that I was here and on his side.

Lukas stares into my eyes, a look of longing in his dark eyes.

"I can't," he finally whispers. "I can't tell you…it wouldn't be right…" His voice drifts off.

I watch as an immense sadness enters his eyes. It takes all of my strength, but I manage to turn away from him and look at the rest of my family.

"Jacob, you found the mystery vampire. You know what his power is. He didn't know about the treaty, and look at his eyes." Ok, maybe that doesn't help my argument. They are so dark. "They aren't red," I add quickly. "He didn't hurt anyone. Isn't that enough to satisfy the pack?"

Jacob's eyes dart from Lukas's face to mine. His face hardens. He turns and walks swiftly out of the room and out the door. I can feel the hurt and shock assemble my face as I watch him leave.

Dad clears his throat cautiously. "Jacob wants us to inform Lukas of the treaty. The pack won't tolerate him on their land again."

XXXX

I was half asleep when I heard the door below my room open and close.

I sit up slowly, keeping my mind carefully blank by thinking of emptiness. I think of wide open fields and a cloudless night sky, focusing on each individual star that forms the whole constellation. All the while, I keep my ears open, straining to hear any sound outside. I am not disappointed.

"Hello, Jacob," Dad murmurs.

I hear Dad move farther, out of my range of hearing. Frustrated, I climb out of bed and slide quickly out my window, like I had earlier.

It is not too hard to find them. I follow Jacob's scent; it is very strong and hard to miss. I always had liked his musky scent.

Still concentrating on keeping my mind blank, I crouch silently behind a bush, watching as Jacob appears out of the forest fully clothed, a small scowl on his face.

"It would help if you gave me the opportunity to explain myself," Dad responds to the thoughts in Jacob's head.

They stare each other down for a time. Then Dad says, "No. Jasper, Carlisle, and I were the only ones who had guessed that Lukas was the vampire you have been looking for."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Jacob demands.

"We couldn't figure him out," Dad starts.

"That doesn't answer my question," Jacob snarls.

"When Renesmee came home telling us that there was another vampire around, we wanted to talk to him. We had to make sure that he wasn't going to put Nessie in any danger."

Jake looks like he wants to interrupt, but he doesn't.

"We were baffled, frustrated, that we couldn't find any trace of this vampire. After a while, we began to wonder if Nessie had really seen a vampire at all. We decided that we needed to know the truth, and the only way to find out the truth was to let Nessie go to school, supervised by me."

Dad pauses. "I heard him before I saw him. He was thinking about Nessie. I was shocked to learn, through his thoughts, that he had known Nessie existed before he saw her that first day at school. He had found her scent in the forest years ago; several days after we had settled into town. And, although he had never seen Nessie before, he has been covering her scent with his own since that day. Slowly, I began to realize what it meant. His scent made other scents disappear, just like the vampire you were looking for.

"I was furious, of course. Lukas's thoughts had a…inappropriate edge of protectiveness for Nessie. I wandered through the woods surrounding our house when we got home, noticing the places where the scents disappeared. Like you had said, it was a subtle difference. I wouldn't have noticed it if I hadn't been looking for it. The area within a ten mile radius from our house was left untouched by this invisible scent, but every other vampire scent outside of that had disappeared.

"I talked to Jasper about my discoveries, getting his advice on what our best course of action would be. He advised that we stay here. The vampire would definitely follow us if we tried to leave now. We decided to let things play out for a week. I wanted to gain more information about him, and I wanted more confirmation that he was the vampire that you were looking for before I decided whether to alert you to his presence or not."

Dad pauses again. "And then he showed up at the house today. He wanted to talk to Renesmee, and he wanted to know what she was."

"You didn't tell him, did you?" Jacob asks tersely.

Dad smiles sadly at Jacob. "No, I didn't. Renesmee did."

"What!" Jacob exclaims.

Dad raises a finger and explains, "I couldn't figure out why Lukas had been covering her tracks before he knew who she was. I found the answer in his mind today. Some unconscious instinct spurred him to keep Nessie safe even though he didn't know her. When he had first come across her scent, he had just started to abstain from human blood. He could smell the human in Nessie's scent, but he could also smell the vampire. He didn't want to risk hurting her. So he spent much of his time covering her tracks, always cautious so that he didn't get too close to her or us."

"So you see," Dad continues. "I couldn't tell you that Lukas was here. He was right this afternoon when he said I owed him. I owe him a lot."

Jake growls at my dad's words.

My dad shakes his head quickly. "Think, Jacob. He has kept Nessie invisible from much more sadistic vampires. You remember the last time a vampire clan with a different diet than ours crossed Nessie's scent."

I shiver at the memory. Jacob reacts the same way.

"But you shouldn't have continued to bring Nessie with you to school," Jacob argues.

"How was I supposed to tell her that she couldn't come with me?" Dad disagrees. "I would have had to explain the situation down in La Push, and we had agreed not to tell her."

"That bloodsucker may have been keeping her safe all those years, but he is still a vampire. He has needs like all vampires do."

"And you think Lukas will be unable to stop himself from harming Nessie?" Dad asks.

"Can you truthfully say that you are ok with her hanging out with this vampire?" Jacob demands.

"I would prefer that he were human," Dad concedes. "At least then he couldn't hurt Renesmee."

"But Renesmee could hurt him, which is just as dangerous!" Jake shouts furiously.

Dad raises his eyebrows. "Are you only speaking out of concern for Nessie's safety?"

Jake, suddenly as still as a (living) statue, stares past Dad silently. "My feelings for Nessie have changed," he says quietly. Dad must already know what he is going to say, but he doesn't interrupt. "When she was young, all I had wanted was for her to be happy. But now--" he stops mid-sentence.

Now what? My heart is pounding and my thoughts are whirling furiously. I am so deep in thought that I am startled when my dad calls my name.

"Nessie?"

I freeze, both physically and mentally. My mind is blank with panic. I hold my breath and wait, hoping that I can become invisible again. I wait tensely. Finally, I hear my dad say, "It was nice talking to you Jacob. I hope Lukas's presence will not keep you from visiting us."

Jacob snorts. "Since when has a bloodsucker ever kept me from coming around?" he asks. I hear the whoosh of air as he shifts into his wolf form. His paws patter lightly on the soft grass as he heads back to La Push.

"That is true," Dad mumbles. He sprints quickly back into the house.

* * *


	9. Lonely

Sorry. I know this is really late. I was having some issues writing this chapter. I knew where I was going with this story, but I didn't know how to get there. Little things were bugging me, like where the Cullens moved to. I think in a previous chapter I said they moved north. I lied. If you look at a map, there isn't much north of Forks except for Seattle and then Canada. So the Cullens moved east, around the Edgewood area. Now I don't know much about Washington, so if someone thinks Edgewood is a bad place for them to live tell me. But otherwise the Cullens moved to Edgewood. Not that it is really critical to the story, I guess... but anyway, on to the story.

**Disclaimer: Same as always **

I spin around as I hear the window slide open. I don't need to look to know that it is Jacob climbing through.

As usual, my first reaction is to feel a tittering excitement that Jacob has come to see me. A childish giddiness curves my lips into a friendly smile as I say hi. I always remember one second too late that I am not talking to him.

"What are you doing here," I ask, trying to maintain a cold and indifferent countenance with little success.

Jacob smiles complacently. "It is sunny outside," he explains.

"So what?" I ask exasperatedly, turning away so that I don't have to look at him. It is much easier to act aloof when I can't see his eager face.

"I came to keep you company," he says as he moves to lean against my closed door.

I pick up my backpack, keeping my eyes down the whole time. I am forced to look at him when he stays unmoving, blocking my way out the door. I slowly raise my head so that I am looking him straight in the eyes. "Excuse me, Jacob. I am going to be late for school if you don't get out of my way," I say, proud when a cool edge creeps into my voice.

Jacob smiles enigmatically, and my stomach flutters. It is hard to stay mad at Jacob Black.

"There is no school for you today," he says.

And then again, it can be incredibly easy to be furious with him.

The sunlight. While not a problem for me, it is a disaster for my dad, who insists on taking me to school everyday even though I _know_ school makes him miserable.

A growl escapes through my clenched teeth. Jacob evidently finds it very funny; he is instantly rolling on the ground laughing. I take the opportunity to leap over his big fat head and throw open my door. My expression shifts into a satisfied smirk when the door rams into Jacob's right arm with a _thwack_. I march down the stairs with Jacob shadowing my every footstep. Even the slap of the door couldn't dampen his mood; he chuckles the whole way down.

The family is gathered around the kitchen table talking in soft voices. They stop abruptly as I come within earshot. Annoyance fuels my anger.

"I'm ready to go to school Dad," I say with as much authority as I can muster. Jacob bursts into a new fit of chuckles.

Dad's face turns grim. "I would stop laughing if I were you, Jacob," he threatens. Jacob sobers instantly.

"Renesmee, sweetheart, you know Dad can't come to school with you today," Mom smiles.

"But-" I begin to argue.

"So you are going to want these," Dad interrupts before I can complain, holding out the keys to Mom's Ferrari. I stare at them for a full minute, trying to comprehend his offering.

"What?" I finally have to ask.

Esme smiles gently. "You are going to school by yourself today."

"And every other day, for that matter," Rosalie adds.

I am dumbfounded. I stare at the glittering silver keys in a trance.

"What!" Jacob snarls with an outraged growl. "Are you crazy?" He turns to Mom. "You are going to let her go _alone?_"

"That was the plan, mutt," Rosalie answers.

"But-"

"But nothing," Rosalie snaps. "We have decided as a _family_ that Renesmee is being deprived of her childhood. Now that we know that Lukas is not a threat to her there really is no reason why she can't go to school alone like a normal child."

"But she isn't _normal!_" Jacob exclaims.

I let out an indignant _huh_ and turn away from Jacob and his cruel remark. _I can be normal if I want to._

"Jacob, don't waste your breath. It isn't going to change anything right now. You can argue all you want later," Dad says. "In the meantime, I'm sure Renesmee would like it if you drove her to school."

"Are you crazy?" I demand. My stomach seems to drop down to my toes. I thought they said I was done needing a babysitter. And of all the possible babysitters, do they have to send _Jacob?_ "I would rather drive with one of the Volturi than ride to school with Jacob right now."

Mom and Alice trade worried glances. Dad gives me a disapproving frown.

"Would you like to wait until tomorrow so that I can take you to school?" he asks.

"No!" I answer quickly.

"You can take the car for a drive after you drop her off at school," Dad instructs Jacob. Jacob stares at Dad with a steely glare. They stare each other down for a minute before Dad finally nods and turns away. He and Mom step forward and place a kiss on my forehead.

"Have fun at school," Dad tells me.

"We love you," Mom says.

Jacob steps forward, a small smile suddenly lighting his face. "Let's go, Renesmee." He places a hand on my shoulder, and I allow him to guide me out the front door, out of the sight of my parents, before I shake his hand off.

"What are you smiling about?" I demand.

"Let's go," he repeats with a widening smile.

"Whatever," I mumble. I roll my eyes and climb into the passenger side of the car.

We sit in silence. Jacob doesn't say a word or turn the radio on. The silence bugs me to no end. "You know, you could say something," I say, annoyed when after several quiet minutes pass the smug smile hasn't left his face.

"Ok," Jake agrees.

"Ok what?" I say with mounting frustration.

Jacob is silent again.

"That's really mature," I scowl.

"Yeah, I am feeling very mature today. I am much more mature when it's a good day, and today has started out nicely. It's too bad your skin doesn't sparkle. That would have made the day even better."

"What is your problem?" I exclaim, angry and hurt that he had dared to mention how completely ordinary I look compared to a full vampire on a sunny day. Jacob knows that I am really touchy about my skin.

Jake's face darkens. "You know what my problem is," he says distractedly.

I do know what his problem is. Ever since the day we learned Lukas's secrets, Dad had been much more lenient at school. I was no longer watched like a hawk every second of the day; I was given more freedom to talk with Lukas.

Ever since we discovered who Lukas was, Jacob has been coming to the house much more often. Of course, I still liked Jacob then. Life was great, until I invited Lukas over after-school yesterday.

We were sitting up in my room, listening to music and doing homework. Dad and Mom had left on a hunting trip as soon as we had gotten home from school, before Lukas had arrived. Of course, we were kept under close supervision. Rosalie came into the room every five minutes, and we could both hear Jasper and Emmett playing poker in the room right outside my door.

I had been showing Lukas pictures, such as food, people, and places that I liked and disliked. I had just shown him a picture of Grandpa when he took my hand from his face and held it in his.

"Can you lie with these pictures?" he asked me casually. "You know, purposefully change something in a picture that wasn't in the picture originally? Or maybe make up your own picture?"

I considered his question carefully. "I don't know," I shrugged. "I've never tried to lie. I guess it's possible."

"Let's try," Lukas had said eagerly. "Show me three pictures, two of which are completely real and one that isn't but looks real. I'll try to guess which one is the lie."

I had shown him a real picture first, one of my mom sparkling in the sunlight slicing a boulder by the river to pieces. Then I made up an image. I created a meadow in the woods near my house in Forks. It was perfectly symmetrical, with wildflowers splashing color between the long blades of grass. And to the west a river bubbled and blushed over glittering pebbles.

It had seemed like an easy image to create in theory, but it was much harder to create the image with the perfect clarity that was seen in my actual memories. I waited a long time before I showed Lukas the image, and even then my concentration showed through in this image.

Lukas pressed my hand lightly to his face and said, "Don't think so hard." I obeyed and let the image form on its own. The image immediately cleared; the meadow was suddenly impossibly real. And Lukas smiled triumphantly, proudly, and leaned closer, and closer…

And that is how Jacob found us, my hand on Lukas's face and his face inches from mine. It nearly turned into a fight on the spot. Luckily Emmett burst through the door and intervened, but not before words such as filthy bloodsucker, dirty mutt, and various profanities were shouted so that all of Washington and parts of Canada could hear. And when Mom and Dad got home, I was in for it.

All in all, it was not a fun night.

"I don't get why you don't like him," I tell Jacob. "He is just another vampire. Just like Dad and Mom."

Jacob's knuckles grow white as his clench on the steering wheel tightens. "He is not like Edward or Bella. Not at all."

"What is so different about them?" I challenge.

"I like your mom and dad. I don't like Lukas," he says simply.

I roll my eyes and glare out the window. I absentmindedly tug on the bracelet on my left wrist.

"You're wearing the bracelet I made you," Jacob says, his tone alien to my ears. His voice is strangely soft and without the harsh bitterness that has been plaguing his tone today. I look down at the braided turquoise bracelet. Jacob had made it for me as my first Christmas present.

"I always wear it," I remind him.

"I thought you were mad at me," he replies. The words come out thickly.

I pause, wording my answer carefully. "You may be very obnoxious sometimes, but I could never be that mad at you. You will always be my best friend."

His lips twitch into a sad smile. The car stops abruptly. We are parked in front of the school.

"Goodbye, Renesmee," Jacob says. He reaches forward, taps my bracelet, and then places his hands back on the steering wheel. The smug smile is on his face again. I pick up my bag and climb out of the car in a confused daze. I stand on the sidewalk, watching the car disappear. Was Jacob smug because he knew I would always be his friend, or because he gets to drive Mom's car around before he has to return it. But that doesn't explain why my comment made him sad at first…

The right mirror catches the sunlight as the car turns around the corner and my whole body tenses.

I had almost forgotten about the sunlight. I may be at school, alone, for the first time ever, but Lukas won't be here. My shoulders slump in depression as I realize how alone I will be.

No wonder Jacob was smug.

"Renesmee?" a voice calls out. I turn slowly, unwillingly, and come face to face with Ben.

"Hi, Ben," I say, surprised. I haven't spoken to Ben in weeks. Guilt gnaws at my stomach. Ben has always been nice to me; I shouldn't just blow him off all the time.

He smiles a forgiving smile. "Nice day, isn't it?"

I force a smile and try to keep the sarcasm out of my voice. "Really nice."

"Where is Edward?" he asks, eyebrows raised innocently.

"He is at home. I think he's transferring schools," I say with a genuine smile.

Ben seems pleased as well. "Good. I mean, your brother is cool and all, but he kind of creeps me out."

I laugh. "Don't worry, he creeps a lot of people out. It's not just you."

"Good to know. I thought he had it in for me or something."

I smile politely. Dad probably did have it in for him and every other guy in the school. "I have to go. But I will see you in math?" I ask.

"Yes you will," he says with an easy smile.

My day runs very smoothly until lunch. I get my lunch like normal, but then I don't know what to do. Normally I sit with Dad and Lukas, but neither of them are here today and I do not want to sit by myself. I scan the crowded cafeteria, trying to find an empty seat and a friendly face.

"Do you eat standing up?" A voice behind me makes me jump. Ben is standing behind me with a tray stacked with food. I laugh and blush, embarrassed.

"No, I'm just trying to find a place to sit. It looks like my lunch table will be empty today."

"Well, you could always come and sit at my table," Ben offers. My eyes widen at his generosity.

"Sure, that would be great. If you have room," I add quickly.

He laughs. "We have plenty of room."

I follow Ben to the table where many rambunctious boys are trying to have a sneaky food fight. I watch them, amused. Some of the boys see me watching and stop. I smile politely and then move to sit next to Ben.

The table is uncomfortably silent. Everyone stares at me. I shift nervously in my seat and look down at my food, embarrassed.

Ben clears his throat. "Everyone, this is Renesmee. She moved here from Alaska."

The girl sitting on my right, whom I recognize from my history class, extends her hand and says, "Hi, my name is Amy. Renesmee, right?"

"Right," I agree. "But you can call me Nessie. It's much easier to say."

"Wait," the boy with short, sandy blond hair says. "You're named after the Loch Ness Monster?" I nod. "That's awesome! My name's Sean."

"Nice to meet you Sean," I murmur.

The rest of the people at the table quickly introduce themselves. It's lucky I have a perfect memory or I never would have been able to remember everyone's names.

"You're from Alaska?" A boy with short red hair who said his name was Eli asks.

"Yes," I smile politely. I dread the inevitable question that he will ask next.

"What is Alaska like?" Sean asks it for him.

"Cold," I say after a moment of consideration. We went to visit the Denali coven once in the middle of winter. Alaska didn't make a very lasting impression on me; it was constantly cold and dark.

Everyone at the table laughs like I had told the funniest joke of all time. I feel a light blush creep into my cheeks.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but it's kind of cold here," Ben says with a wink.

"But it's really cold in Alaska," I insist.

"How cold," Amy asks.

"I don't know. Colder than here," I mumble with less conviction, shoving a mouthful of mashed potatoes into my mouth to deter the table from asking me any more questions. The potatoes taste like cardboard—the food at the school is the worst I've ever tasted, which really says something considering I don't like a lot of human food in the first place.

The conversation turns to other topics, flowing easily around me, and I am content just to listen to them joke around and insult each other. I like Ben's friends.

Until one of them flings mashed potatoes at Ben. The boy doesn't have very good aim; he completely misses Ben and hits me instead.

"Andy!" Amy scolds the boy, reaching over him and handing me a napkin. I wipe the mush off of my shirt.

"I'm sorry, Nessie," Andy apologizes.

"It's alright," I say with a tight smile. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears; it beats faster with my mounting anger. I try to calm myself down.

"You missed some," Ben says. "Here, I'll get it."

He grabs a napkin off of his tray and brushes it lightly across the bone in the corner of my left eye. My cheeks warm with an unexpected blush. I can't hear my heart anymore. Did it stop completely?

"Thanks," I mumble just as the bell rings to end lunch.

I leap out of my seat and hurry away, but not before I hear Ben call out a goodbye.

* * *


	10. Hidden Memories

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

* * *

My thoughts are still in a muddled heap, chasing circles around my head until they became nothing more than motionless blurs, when I hear Lukas outside the house. My thoughts stand still; my head clears the second I know Lukas is near.

His footsteps are as familiar as my own frantic heart beating in my chest. I am so attuned to the sound that I can hear his footsteps from much farther away than the rest of my family.

With a smile I race down the staircase, arriving with a quirky skip into the kitchen where my mother is allowing Alice to make an attempt at designing a dress.

"Don't prick me with the needle," my mom tells her sarcastically as I enter the room.

Alice smiles. "You are going to look fabulous when I am done; I can see it already." My mom groans at her prediction.

"Hey," I greet them gaily.

"Hey, sweetie," my mom smiles.

"What are you up to?" Alice asks suspiciously.

"I wanted to go outside, if that's ok with you," I say to Mom.

Mom purses her lips. "Is there a reason you want to go outside?"

I blush and turn my face down so she can't read it. "Lukas is here. We had made plans to hang out."

Alice growls in frustration. She is probably trying to see my future, with minimal success.

"No hunting," my mom says sharply.

"Of course not," I agree quickly. I lean forward to give Mom a hug.

"Ok, ok, you gave her a hug. Now get out of here! I can't see what my dress is going to look like anymore," Alice snaps good-naturedly and shuffles me out of the kitchen.

I laugh, elated. "Don't torture Mom too much," I add as an afterthought.

"You would love to try," Mom growls to Alice.

I laugh again as the cool autumn breeze brushes my cheeks. I run full-speed to the familiar sound of pattering footsteps. I can hear that Lukas is heading to our clearing.

I am mid-step when two cold hands swoop me out of the air.

"Lukas," I say, breathless and exuberant as I stare up at his sparkling, grinning expression.

"Renesmee," he responds, his amusement prevalent. "Where did you think you were going?"

"I was coming to find you," I say, still breathless. "But it looks like you found me first."

Lukas chuckles lightly. "You were going the wrong way," he informs me.

I scrunch my nose. "I thought I heard you farther away."

Lukas drops his hands from my waste and slowly reaches down to take my hand. His eyes stay fixed, searching my face, as if looking for permission as he slides his smooth, cold hand into mine. My hand tingles with energy; I feel the color pool into my cheeks for what feels like the tenth time today.

"Shall we walk?" he asks, still searching my face.

I nod, unsure if my voice will even work if I try to use it.

It occurs to me that this is the first time I've seen him in the sunlight, and while it isn't a new experience (I do live in a house full of sparkling vampires) I am still amazed at the beauty of the rainbows shimmering across his flawless skin.

"How was school today?" he asks me in a pleasant tone. His eyes seem to be tracing my luminous skin.

"Confusing," I answer truthfully, distracted by his appraising gaze. I feel suddenly embarrassed for my plain skin.

"For someone as smart as you are? I don't believe it," he says, amused again.

"Math was especially difficult. You weren't there," I remind him, even though school wasn't what had confused me. I surprise myself when my voice cracks at the end; my hurt is eminent.

Lukas glances at my face and frowns. "Sorry," he says sincerely. His mouth twists into a wry smile. "But I don't think I could go to school looking like this and still remain inconspicuous."

"I don't know what you're talking about. No one would notice your blindingly glittering skin," I say sarcastically.

"Sorry," he says again, stopping and turning me to face him.

"It's ok. I was just in a bad mood all day because Dad had officially decided to let me go to school on my own and you weren't even there," I explain in a small voice.

Lukas smiles widely. His teeth flash brilliantly in the sunlight.

"What?" I ask.

"Your dad isn't coming with you to school anymore?" he asks. His eyes flash excitedly.

"You're not the first one to have that reaction. Ben didn't even try to hide his excitement."

Surprise flashes across Lukas's features before he can stop them. "You talked with Ben today?"

"Of course," I say, surprised by Lukas's reaction. "What did you think I did all day, sit at lunch by myself? Work in math alone? School would have been unbearable if that had been the case."

Lukas grins again. "Remember how we experimented with your power the other day?"

I grimace. "Yes, I remember." That night had been awful.

"Show me the meadow again, but this time, put the two of us in the meadow," he commands.

"Why?" I ask, confused by his train of thought.

"Please?" he begs with an alluring smile.

I _huff_ in mock annoyance and then close my eyes to conjure the image. I place my hands on both sides of Lukas's face when I am ready.

"Relax," he instructs when the image swirls hazily. I listen and the image clears immediately. It looks more real than it did yesterday, like the image had been missing something before. The two of us belonged together in that meadow.

I lower my hands but keep my eyes shut, enjoying the image. I open my eyes when I feel Lukas place his hands on my face. His face is a foot from mine; I cringe at the intensity in his eyes.

"Would you like to meet my family?" he asks.

"What?" I whisper after a minute.

"That's why I'm always passing through La Push. My family lives further south, but I used to go through La Push and Forks all the time to prevent anyone from trying to follow me," his burning intensity is almost unbearable by the time he finishes. I am confused.

"They don't live with you?"

He frowns. "No, they don't."

"Why not?"

He hesitates. This is obviously a question he doesn't want to answer. "I haven't always lived off of animal blood."

The whispered words raise a shiver down my spine. He sees the motion and seems to decide to not say anything more. "Oh, don't worry about me. I want to hear the story," I encourage.

He raises his eyebrows skeptically. I nod, and he continues. His thumb rubs soothing circles on the back of my hand as he talks. "I used to live as a nomad, traveling by day, stopping to hunt at night. It was an incredibly boring existence. And, as it is for most humans, when I got bored, I ate. It never occurred to me that there was another way to live, so I kept running. I made a lot of enemies during that time. Vampires aren't the most forgiving creatures, especially those that live in the south.

"When I was a young vampire, I hadn't known that there were boundaries to where I could hunt. I didn't realize that some clans had claimed certain areas for hunting. Most of the time it didn't matter where I hunted because I had my special power; I rarely got in trouble for hunting on forbidden territory.

"There was only one clan of vampires that ever caught me, a clan consisting of three men. I managed to outrun them-they hadn't eaten in several days and I was stronger-and once I was out of their sight, there was no way they could track me down. Or so I thought."

I shiver again. The mention of the vampire clan brings up unwelcome memories. I think there were three men in that clan as well…

"I was hunting in a national park when I met Harrison and Molly," Lukas continues. He is too into his story to notice my reaction this time. "They were hunting as well, animals instead of humans, but I didn't know that at the time. I thought I had been caught hunting on claimed territory again; when I ran away they followed."

"Why did they follow you?" I ask.

"Molly has a special talent," Lukas says with an affectionate smile. "She can see the future, kind of; she can tell how strong a relationship will be. She knew that we would be good friends one day. When she ran after me, Harrison followed without questioning her."

"Wow," was all I could think to say.

Lukas smiles and continues his story. "They caught up with me-don't ask me how-and introduced themselves. We started talking and when I heard about their lifestyle I wanted to give it a try."

"You gave up human blood that easily?" I ask doubtfully. It certainly hadn't been easy for me. Of course, the human blood I drank came from the blood bank, not directly from a human.

"It wasn't easy," Lukas admits. "I am ashamed to say I lost the battle a couple of times before I finally figured out I was strong enough to resist."

"But you didn't need time to decide if you really wanted to give up human blood or not?" I am fascinated.

"Like I said before, my nomadic lifestyle was not satisfying. I was lonely and I grabbed the first chance that I was presented with to live with others," Lukas answers. "And I'm glad I gave up human blood. It has allowed me to live amongst humans and I am no longer lonely."

"So…Harrison and Molly?" I ask.

He chuckles. "That's right."

"Do you think they'll like me?" I ask as the nervous butterflies flutter in my stomach.

"Of course they will," Lukas assures me.

"Let's go then," I try to keep my voice calm.

"Hold on," Lukas stops me. "There is something I need you to promise me first."

"What's that?" I ask.

Lukas pauses to gather his thoughts. "We have been experimenting with your images. When your family asks where you were, you need to show them the picture of us in the meadow. No one can know that I have a family, let alone where they live."

"You want me to lie?"

"Yes."

"I don't understand. Why?"

Lukas frowns, the intensity flickering in his eyes once more. "It's not my secret to tell. It is my fault they have to live in secrecy. If only I had known…"

"Known what?" I ask, afraid by the pain in his voice.

"The vampire clan that caught me hunting on their territory, they found me. They found a way to track my scent, like that dog of yours did." I wince at the mention of Jake.

"I went to live with Harrison and Molly, and as Molly predicted we became fast friends. We were living in Colorado when they found us. We heard them coming; we ran, but not before the vampires caught Harrison and Molly's scent.

"I don't live with Harrison and Molly anymore so that I can keep them safe, and I make it very difficult for anyone to follow my scent to their house when I go to visit them," he annunciates each word clearly. It is obvious that he is very protective of his family.

"Please promise me, Nessie," he pleads. "Promise me you won't tell anyone."

My throat feels tight and dry. His story has resurfaced many of my long-suppressed fears.

How could I not promise him when his story reminds me so much of the one thing I had never been strong enough to do?

"I promise," I croak. Relief floods his features. He steps forward and hugs me tightly against his chest. I take comfort in the cool depths of his embrace, and by the time he lets go I have composed myself.

"Let's go," I say eagerly.

"Wait," he stops me again. I look up at him impatiently.

"What?"

He smiles, a smile so warm and affectionate that my heart is about to jump out of my chest. "There is something I want to try before we leave."

He places his hand under my chin, gently lifting it, as he leans forward and kisses me.


	11. The Bet

Disclaimer: Same as always.

I begin to fidget nervously as we near the now-visible cottage. Smoke wafts out of a stone chimney peaking above the trees. My heart is fluttering faster than a hummingbird's wings. Lukas peers down at me.

"Are you ok?" he asks. His voice is sharp with his own uneasiness.

I smile as reassuringly as I can. "I'm fine," I say, not quite able to keep my voice from wavering.

Lukas squeezes my hand reassuringly, whether for his benefit or for mine I'm not sure.

Lukas doesn't bother knocking on the door; we walk right through. We are met with gorgeously crafted wooden cabinets as the door swings open. A wooden kitchen table is pushed against the wall with four wooden chairs surrounding it. Sitting in one of the chairs with his back facing to us is a man hunched over at the table.

The man turns around slowly, cautiously, every move completely exaggerated. First surprise, then glowing happiness flickers across his face as he takes in the two of us standing in the doorway.

The man looks to be in his mid-twenties. Jet black hair falls lightly over the skin on his forehead. His pale skin has a dark tint to it. His eyes shine the pure gold of a vampire who has just eaten a vegetarian meal. In his hands he holds a piece of light-colored wood and a funny-looking knife, an odd combination; I can't imagine what he was doing before we interrupted.

The man lets out a deep chuckle. "Molly! It's Lukas, and he's brought Renesmee," his voice vibrates with deep undertones as he continues to chuckle contentedly.

Renesmee. So Lukas has talked about me before. A warm happiness fills me. _Lukas thinks about me…_

A young woman hurries in the room, attempting to keep a slow pace with little success. Molly looks younger than Harrison, maybe nineteen or twenty. Her straight brown hair flows down to the middle of her back. She moves with a grace that can _almost_ match Alice's. She gasps in delight at the sight of us, staring pointedly at our hands intertwined. I feel a blush lightly color my cheeks.

"Lukas, you're home!" It would be hard to miss the glee in her tone. Molly hurries forward and scoops Lukas into a hug. Lukas seems reluctant to let go of my hand to return her hug. She then turns to me with a warm and wide smile. Before she can stop herself she throws her arms around me.

Harrison chuckles, now standing next to Lukas. "You're going to scare her away, Molly," he jokes.

Molly stands up but keeps her hands placed on my shoulders. "You are just as gorgeous as Lukas has said," she tells me with a smile. Lukas groans. When I look over at him he has his face hidden behind his hands. I laugh lightly at the sight. The room grows completely still as my laughter fills it. Molly and Harrison stare at me in wide-eyed wondered; Lukas slowly removes his hands from his eyes. He gives me an amused smile and asks, "What is so funny?"

"You," I manage to choke out. "You act like your family is the most embarrassing family in the world."

"Aren't they?" Lukas smiles warmly at Molly.

"Uh, have you _met_ my family?" I tell him with another laugh.

Molly and Harrison smile affectionately at each other. Then Molly moves to stand next to Lukas as Harrison comes forward and shakes my hand gently but firmly. "It is very nice to finally meet you Renesmee. My name is Harrison, and this is my wife Molly."

"It's a pleasure to meet you. You have a lovely home," I say with my most charming grin. I suddenly feel very comfortable in this house.

"Thank you," Harrison replies. "I built it."

"You built it?" I ask, stunned. "No way."

Harrison chuckles. "I like working with wood. It's a hobby of mine. Come and see what I'm working on now." He walks over to the table and picks up the piece of wood that had been in his hands when we came in.

"It was going to be a surprise. I was making it for Lukas," he tells me.

The wood, which I swear had just been a blob when we first walked through the door, has been shaped into a delicate snowflake about the size of my palm. The wood seems to glitter to life in Harrison's hand.

"This is amazing," I tell him with breathless wonder. I love snow; each glittering snowflake that twirls down from the sky is unique, intricate, and sparkly; Harrison has captured the magic of the snowflake perfectly. "Why are you making Lukas a snowflake?"

Harrison glances at Lukas.

"I told him about your pictures. I was really impressed with one of the first pictures you showed me, the one of the falling snowflakes," Lukas says. He shifts his feet uncertainly. "I hope that was okay."

"Of course it's okay." I smile. I am secretly giddy that Lukas remembers that day in the clearing.

"Now that the surprise is ruined, can I have it?" Lukas asks Harrison eagerly.

"It's not finished yet, but give me some time and you can take it with you when you leave."

"Come. Let's move to the living room," Molly says. She starts walking down a narrow hallway with exaggerated slowness. I raise my eyebrows at Lukas; _why is she doing that?_

"Molly, you don't have to walk like that. I told you, Renesmee isn't completely human; she is used to our speed," Lukas calls after Molly's retreating figure.

Something like relief flitters across Molly's face as she turns around to acknowledge his comment. However, she continues to the couch at the same pace. Maybe she feels embarrassed.

Harrison follows us, sitting next to Molly with wood and chisel in his hands again. Lukas and I move toward the opposite couch. Lukas slides his arm around my waist and pulls me close as we sit. Sparks of electricity tingle up my spine, making my cheeks flush with pleasure.

Molly smiles warmly at us. Harrison watches us closely while his hands work quickly at the wood. There is a long silence, but I don't feel awkward snuggled against Lukas. It feels natural.

"How does it look, Molly?" Lukas breaks the silence. I feel his arm tighten imperceptibly against my waist. When I look up at his face his eyes are tight. _Why is he anxious?_

Molly hesitates, looking first at Lukas, then at me, before answering Lukas's question. "It seems…very bright."

"What's the problem," Lukas asks, his voice hardening.

"Wait; is this about your power?" I ask Molly.

She smiles distractedly, her eyes focusing on nothing; it reminds me of Alice looking into the future. "Yes. Lukas has been very anxious for me to meet you, for more than one reason, I suppose."

"How does your power work?"

"I can see the relationships between people if I concentrate on the future. The stronger the relationship will be in the future the brighter the light that shines between two people. Strong relationships in particular are blinding to look at. There is no doubt you're relationship is going to be incredibly strong," she answers.

"Then what's wrong," Lukas asks again. He pulls me closer, almost protectively, as he waits for her to answer.

"It's just…I can't sense our relationship anymore, Lukas," she says in quick, breathless words, hoping I can't hear them. When she sees that I have just as sharp hearing she does, she adds, "Oh, I don't know if that has anything to do with you, Renesmee. It could be something completely unrelated. But I've never been unable to see a relationship before. Even poor relationships have some sort of dull light. It is worrying me."

"It might be my fault," I tell her. "My aunt Alice can see almost everyone's future except for mine." _And Jacob's_, I add silently. "She has trouble seeing anyone's future when I'm around."

Lukas's arm relaxes around my waist; Molly relaxes and leans into Harrison. "Yes, that must be it," she agrees. "Tell us about the rest of your family. It will be very nice to meet them someday." I feel a small bubble of suppressed hope creep into me. She seems to be implying that Lukas and I will be together long enough for her to meet my family. I haven't thought much of the future, but now that I think about it, I realize that I want Lukas to be in it.

We pass the time talking. I tell Molly and Harrison about my family and they tell me stories about how they met. Molly hadn't known about her power when she first saw Harrison. He was a severely blinding light whenever she looked at him and it took her a while to understand what the light meant and how to turn it off.

"I fell in love with her the second I laid eyes on her," Harrison claims at one point.

"He only says that because he feels bad for calling me a lunatic when we first met," Molly stage-whispers.

I am so enthralled by their stories and playful banter that I am surprised when Lukas stands up suddenly. "We should get going," he murmurs.

I look outside and see that darkness has fallen on the world. I stand up and grab Lukas's hand; my hand feels empty and too warm without his wrapped around mine.

"It was very nice to meet both of you," I say politely.

"Oh no, it was our pleasure," Molly says warmly. She leans forward to give me a hug while Harrison hands Lukas the finished snowflake.

"Don't lose it," Harrison warns him.

"I won't," Lukas promises, looking straight at me.

"Do come back and visit," Harrison says as he shakes my hand. "You haven't heard the story about how Molly tried to teach a pig to fly."

"The only time you will be telling that story to her is when I succeed," Molly warns.

"I'll be back, don't worry. I can't wait to hear the story," I gush.

As the forest surrounds us again I look over my shoulder at the quaint wooden cottage. "I liked them," I tell him.

Lukas drapes his arm over my shoulder and smiles loosely. "Good," he says. "Now let's get you home."

We don't talk the whole run home, but I am completely comfortable in the silence. The scenery becomes familiar all too soon; it is time to say goodbye. My heart hammers in my chest, both from the labor of the run and the adrenaline that is released by my sudden panic attack.

Lukas says nothing; he kisses me lightly on the lips and turns to leave.

"Wait!" I say, reaching for his arm in panic.

"What's wrong?" he asks alarmed.

"What if I can't do it? What if I mess up and my family doesn't believe me. I've only ever tried to lie to you!" I explain in a rush of choked words.

Lukas smiles and moves to kiss me again. When after several seconds he doesn't pull away, my panic vanishes. All I can concentrate on are his lips against mine. They feel hot, like lava, although if I thought about it rationally his lips are probably ice cold. I pull him closer, drawing myself to the icy warmth of his body, wanting to know what it feels like to be on fire.

Lukas pushes me away, gently. His eyes are lit up, shimmering like liquid gold. "Careful, now," he warns. "You need to get going before your family gets mad."

My fear comes back quickly enough. "Don't leave me," I whisper.

"Nessie. You can do this, I promise. Remember, don't think so hard." He leans forward and kisses the top of my head and then draws me into a hug. "Trust me."

I do trust him. I don't trust myself. If I mess this up he will hate me forever, and I don't want to know what forever will be like without him.

XXXXXXX

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen," my dad starts the second I walk through the door. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Um…no?" I respond honestly.

"It is after midnight!" my mom exclaims.

Oh.

"We thought you were hurt! We were so worried," she continues.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I lost track of time."

"_You lost track of time?_" Dad explodes. "How do you lose track of time? It's dark outside, or haven't you noticed."

"Edward," Carlisle cautions. The whole family has been sitting in the living room awaiting my return.

"We sent Jacob out to look for you," Dad continues as if there hadn't been an interruption.

I groan. "Why did you do that?"

"Because we had no idea where you were or when you were coming home," Alice answers.

"But you didn't have to make him come all the way down here."

"We didn't. He came to the house about a minute after you left," Mom says. "Where did you and Lukas go?"

Uh oh. I know I have to do it now. I have to show them the meadow that I have never actually seen except in my own pictures. I can do this, I can do this…

"Renesmee? Where were you?" Mom repeats.

I step forward and without so much as thinking put my hand to Mom's face and show her the picture.

I hear both Mom and Dad gasp as they see what I show them.

"What? What is it?" Rosalie demands.

"She was all the way out in Forks!" it is Dad who answers.

"How do you know that?" I ask, confused that he had placed the meadow in Forks. It isn't even real!

Good thing I stopped that thought before Dad could hear it.

"That's where you were, isn't it?" Mom pries.

"Yes," I agree quickly. No, not really. But if that's what you want to think…

Mom and Dad share a loaded look.

"Someone go find Jacob," Dad says softly.

"That won't be necessary," Jake says as he walks into the house. His face has been constructed into a blank mask. "I see that you found her."

"She just got home," Mom explains.

"What happened?" Jacob asks roughly, seeing the worry in my mother's eyes.

"They were in Forks," Mom says. "Show him the picture, Renesmee."

Jake's features morph into anger after I show him the picture (did I really manage to show the same lie again?).

"Do you have any idea how worried we have been?" he yells at me.

I tense at his fury. What right does he have to yell at me? "Why were you worried," I yell back. "I told Mom I was out with Lukas. You knew why I was gone."

"Renesmee," Mom warns.

"But we didn't know where you were."

"You don't care where I was. You're angry because I was out with Lukas!"

"Lukas has nothing to do with this." Jacob looks frustrated.

"Yes, he does. He has everything to do with this. If you have a problem with me hanging out with Lukas, tell me. Don't act like I did something else to upset you!" I scoff.

"Fine," Jacob says, more calmly. "I don't like you hanging out with Lukas."

My jaw drops; I didn't actually expect him to admit it. I didn't really _want_ him to admit it; I liked it better when I could pretend Lukas wasn't the reason Jacob and I weren't getting along lately.

"So what do you want me to do about it?" I say weakly, trying to regain my footing in the argument.

"I don't want you to hang out with him anymore."

"That's not fair! I don't have to listen to you."

"No, you don't. But I can choose not to be around you if you are always hanging out with him."

"Hold on. Are you making me choose?" I demand in disbelief, frustrated that Jacob is so calm.

"Yes," he says without the slightest hint of emotion behind the word.

_How do I fix this? _"Lukas wouldn't make me choose," I scramble, trying to get out of the horrible mess I have just brought upon myself.

Jacob smirks. "You want to bet?"

An idea forms in my head. "Yes, actually, I do." I say with my best poker face.

"What?" Dad says sharply.

Jacob looks surprised. "Ok. I'm coming to school with you tomorrow. I say Lukas makes you choose between the two of us by the end of the day."

"No," I shake my head vigorously. "No, no, no. You are _not_ coming to school with me tomorrow."

"You want to lose the bet already?" he raises his eyebrows.

"No," I sigh reluctantly. "Ok, you come to school with me tomorrow. I say that Lukas will _never _make me choose. What do I get when I win?"

"_If _you win," Jacob smirks again, "I will continue coming to see you no matter how much I don't like you hanging out with Lukas. If you lose, you have to choose."

"Fine," I say.

"Fine." Jacob has a bitter smile on his face as he holds out a hand. I reach out with my own hand and shake on the deal.

"Let the games begin!" Emmett hoots from the couch.

* * *

Sorry. I know this was kinda late. Writers block is not cool. Review please. Thank you.


	12. One Choice

Disclaimer: Same as always.

"Don't worry. Mutts are never loved anyway," Lukas says bitterly.

I rub my temples. I have been hearing them go at each other all day and it is really tearing on my nerves. It is especially hard now, where there is no down time to distill the bitter feelings between the two.

Jacob, as insisted by my parents, has taken my dad's place as my babysitter, following me from class to class. I hadn't been planning on Jacob being in all of my classes. That was not a part of the bet at all, although Jacob doesn't seem to mind.

Still, I had felt confident at the beginning of the day. Even when Jake started nagging Lukas when he came to see me in between classes I was sure that I would win the bet. But now, with the day not even half over yet and a whole class of ridicule and arguing, I'm not so sure.

"Jacob?" the teacher asks a question that I didn't hear. Jacob turns his attention away from glaring at Lukas.

"The limit is 3," he answers after glancing at the problem.

"Actually, he asked for the derivative," Lukas says.

"The limit is the derivative," Jacob growls back.

"Boys," the teacher tries to interrupt with a nervous chuckle.

"No, a limit is the number which the function approaches," Lukas says calmly.

"Your ability to annoy has no limit," Jacob says with a rising voice.

"That is enough!" the teacher shouts. Neither of the boys are listening to him. The tension level in the room explodes. Everyone can feel the waves of hatred rising off of Lukas, Jacob, and the teacher.

Lukas snorts. "That was original. Were you hoping for the class to break into applause?"

"They will applaud when—"

"Both of you get out of my classroom. Now!" the teacher roars. Jacob is trembling violently. Lukas is stone-still. It takes a few seconds before Lukas and Jacob react. Slowly, they get up, moving in sync with matching glares, and walk out of the room. I can hear them start to argue the instant the door closes. Their voices rise so high that everyone else in the room turns to stare at the door distractedly. No matter how hard I try to block out the noises, I hear my name shouted several times. I put my head on my desk and hide it in my arms, embarrassed.

"Work time," the teacher declares, and he heads back to sit at his desk and rub his temples.

I feel someone tap my shoulder. "Renesmee?" Ben asks timidly.

"Are they loud?" I ask from under my arm.

"Kinda," Ben admits with a chuckle. "Want to work with me?"

"Yes," I say, lifting my head and opening my book.

Ben does his best to distract me. He talks quickly and laughs loudly when I say something that I don't mean to funny. I try to concentrate on the math problems, hoping I can concentrate so hard that I will disappear from the world for a while. We are on the third problem when Ben asks, "Nessie, would you want to go bowling with me?"

My head snaps up. It is pounding so hard it feels like it is going to explode; there is a _whooshing_ sound in my ears that makes it hard to concentrate. Maybe he wasn't talking and laughing so loudly because he was trying to distract me; he was trying to distract himself. Great. This is all I need today.

"Like…on a date?" I ask tentatively.

Ben turns bright red. "Only if you want it to be. A bunch of my friends are going on Saturday, and I thought you might like to come with."

"Who's going?" I ask, still guarded.

"Amy and Andy, Sean and Kim, Eli and Hannah," Ben lists off. It doesn't escape my notice that he lists them off in pairs. It definitely sounds like a group date night to me. My stomach sinks; I really want to crawl into a hole and disappear.

"Oh, I don't know Ben…" I say, trying to avoid hurting his feelings.

"Look, I understand. You don't want a boyfriend right now. You have enough stuff going on right now, and you don't need this added to it." Well, yes. That is all true. But not really the only reasons that I don't want to go out with him.

"That's alright with me. If you change your mind and want to go bowling with us, as a friend, you are more than welcome to. But don't feel pressured; it's an open invitation," Ben finishes.

"Thanks, Ben," I say gratefully.

We start to work on math again when the fighting outside increases in volume.

"Renesmee doesn't want you here," I hear Lukas growl. I feel like growling myself.

"How do you know what she wants?" Jacob replies. Neither of them has ever asked me what I want, but if they did ask, would I even know what I want?

"I think I know Renesmee better than you think you do," Lukas' voice drops so low that I am the only one in the room who can hear it.

Jacob breaks the silence by slamming Lukas into the closed door.

This is too much. I can't take it anymore. They need to stop fighting. Now!

I stand up and cross the room. All eyes are on me, but no one moves to stop me from walking out the door and into the hallway.

"Stop it," I hiss as the door clicks shut. "Stop it right now. Do you realize that everyone in that room can hear every single word you say? I bet Tonya's clan can hear you arguing all the way in Alaska. This needs to stop."

"I'm not stopping yet," Jacob says with a sarcastic smile. "I've just gotten started."

"Jake. Enough!"

"You know what, I'm done," Lukas says with a frustrated scowl directed at Jacob. "I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore, Nessie. If this mongrel is going to be around you all of the time I'm not going to keep coming to school. And I won't be coming around the house."

"You're making me choose," I say flatly. It's not a question.

An ambivalent expression crosses Jacob's face.

"It sounds kind of harsh when you say it like that," Lukas frowns. "But yes, essentially, I am 'making you choose.'"

I look at Jacob and feel a strong surge of hate. This is entirely his fault! I hate him for forcing me to choose. Maybe I should just choose Lukas, as payback for this stupid bet.

And yet…

I don't really hate Jacob. Sure, I hate him now, but in another week I won't hate him anymore. And then what do I do? If I give into my anger now I won't be able to see my Jacob anymore.

How do I choose between them? How would anyone be able to choose between their best friend and protector, and their… what is Lukas to me? Certainly more than a friend. But I don't think "boyfriend" really fits. Our relationship feels much more fragile; like much more than just boyfriend and girlfriend.

I can find no way out of this nightmare. I can't choose, but I made a deal with Jacob. I have to choose. One or the other.

But I won't be happy with either choice. How can I choose and still keep them both?

Unless…

There is a third option, one that I only consider now in my most desperate time of need. One that will rescue me from this disaster.

My only option.

"Fine," I say sharply. "You want me to choose? I choose Ben."

I turn around and walk back into the room before my face can reveal the turmoil that is churning inside of me, but I don't turn around fast enough. I still see the shock on both of their faces; one boy's face a reflection of the other's.

* * *

Sorry sorry sorry! I know, updates keep coming later and later. Unfortunately, that's probably not going to change anytime soon. I might die (metaphorically) this month, so I won't have much of a chance to write. But reviews always help speed things up! Thank you to all my reviewers; you are amazing.


	13. Tattoos

Hello! First I would like to say thank you to everyone who reviewed. They made me really happy.

Next, I would like to reply to a review sent in by Edwardlover, and I'm pretty sure Edwardlover was not the only person mad at me for making Nessie choose Ben. Yes, in a way Ben is the Mike Newton of this story, except that Nessie likes Ben much more than Bella ever liked Mike. Ben is not as pushy. However, Nessie's story differs from Bella's in that Jacob has always been in Nessie's life, but only as a best friend. There has never been anything romantic about their relationship. And Lukas has never left Nessie like Edward left Bella. So you see. Their stories are different. This different situation allows Nessie to do something that Bella had never been able to do, which is to choose the one person that she really could live without in order to keep both of the people that she can't live without in her life.

Does that make sense? I understand that my explanation might be confusing. Bottom line, Nessie chose Ben, and you really don't have to like that she chose him. I just want you guys to understand that it does make sense that Nessie would choose Ben instead of either Lukas or Jacob.

So don't hate me yet. The story isn't over.

**Disclaimer**: Same as always.

Lukas and Jacob are in denial. They don't believe that I really have chosen Ben. It doesn't surprise me that they can see right through my façade. Jacob probably knows me better than anyone else in the world, and Lukas isn't stupid. I have been very careful to avoid them for the rest of the day so that they couldn't see right through me, although it doesn't seem to have helped much.

A whole ride home with Jacob would have been unbearable. It was for that reason that I asked Ben if I could go home with him after school.

Ben's house is decent sized. It isn't as large as my house (naturally. He only has four people living in the house), but it is larger than many houses in this area.

The first thing I notice when we walk in the door is the piano in the room across the hall. I love to play the piano, although I am nowhere near as good as my dad. The piano is the only thing in that room that I can see, since a white wall hides the rest of the room from sight. To my left are stairs leading to both upstairs and downstairs. To the right is a room that looks like a kitchen; all I can see from the doorway are the cupboards.

A woman walks around the corner from this room. "Ben is that…oh. Hello. I didn't know you were bringing a friend home."

"Mom, this is Renesmee. She's coming bowling with us tonight," Ben says as he shrugs out of his jacket.

"It is very nice to meet you Renesmee. Ben has told us so much about you," Ben's mom says with a friendly smile.

"Mom," Ben mumbles with flaming cheeks.

A squeal, followed by the thundering of footsteps, brings a young girl about the age of seven into Ben's waiting arms.

"Hey Josie," Ben greets her.

"Ben, guess what happened today. Hannah was coloring on her arm and I asked her what she was doing and she was drawing a tadoo and I want one so she gave me a tadoo!" the girl exclaims.

"A tattoo? Where?" Ben asks.

Josie pushes up the sleeve on her t-shirt to reveal a poorly drawn heart. She continues talking at a million miles an hour. She doesn't seem to notice her wavy brown hair falling over her blue eyes as she talks, and I can't help but notice all of the freckles on her cheeks. In one word, she is adorable.

I might as well be invisible. She only has eyes for her big brother. Eventually, Ben points me out to her. The effervescent girl from seconds ago suddenly turns bashful, hiding by Ben's side as I kneel down to talk to her. "Hi, Josie. My name is Nessie. Do you think you could show me your tattoo?" She shakes her head no. I crouch awkwardly in front of the girl, trying to think of something to say that will get her to talk.

"I have a tattoo, too," I say with sudden inspiration.

"You do?" Ben asks, surprised.

"Sure," I say. "Do you want to see it, Josie?"

"Yes pwees," she says with a smile. I feel relieved that she seems to be warming up to me. I am so relieved that I push up my sleeve to reveal the five red dots on my shoulder that, if connected, create a crescent-shaped mark.

"Cool," Josie says, and she turns to push up her sleeve, revealing her colorful tattoo. It appears that she now considers me friend enough to tell me all about her tattoo and her friend Hannah. I notice Ben staring at my now covered shoulder with an odd expression.

"Why don't you go draw Nessie a picture," Ben suggests to Josie after a while.

"Ok," Josie says and she runs back down the stairs.

I feel a temporary moment of panic. Is he going to ask me about my "tattoo?" No one in my family even knows about the marks; I have been very careful to always keep my shoulder covered. What if Ben says something? I can't let that happen.

"My sister and I got into a fight. It involved permanent marker," I say, quickly spinning a fictional story off the top of my head. "The marks still haven't washed off."

Ben smiles. "I didn't think you were one to get a tattoo." I sigh with relief.

"I didn't know you were so good with kids," I comment.

"Yeah, Josie and I are really close," he says. "Don't get me wrong, she can be really annoying sometimes, like just now when she was hogging all of your attention." He says this with a sly smile that makes my face turn red. "But I have always felt very protective of her."

As we walk downstairs to watch some TV before we leave to meet the others at the bowling alley, I can't help the guilty feeling in my stomach that is telling me how much of an idiot I am. Ben is a good guy. Ben _likes_ me. And I am using him to avoid my problems with Lukas and Jacob.

I am an awful person.

Ben leads me up the porch to the front door of my house. I hear Jacob pacing near the window. I quickly grab Ben's hand. As long as I am going to continue this charade I might as well make it look convincing. Ben, who hasn't stopped talking all night, (which is nice; I have needed something to take my mind off of Jacob and Lukas) is suddenly silent. His mouth hangs open in the middle of a word. Let's see, what was he talking about? I realize that I haven't heard a single word he has said since we left the bowling alley.

Just like earlier today when I found out Ben had a little sister who adored him, my stomach churns with guilt for using Ben like this. _But it was the only way,_ I try to convince myself. It isn't very good consolation.

"Um, anyway," Ben croaks, trying to pick up where he left off. "I was saying that we should go see them in concert. I bet you would love it."

"Yeah, definitely," I say, trying to sound like I knew what he was talking about. "I had a great time, Ben," I finish lamely after an awkward pause.

"It was great, wasn't it?" Ben says with much more enthusiasm than I had.

"I'll see you at school." I turn to go inside.

"Wait," Ben says, reaching for my wrist.

I am not completely done turning around when Ben's lips are on mine. Shock paralyzes me. There are no sparks like when I had kissed Lukas. This is not part of the plan. I didn't want this!

I hear Jacob push away the curtain to look out the window. Ben starts to back away.

I know what I have to do.

And it is going to hurt.

I wrap my arms around Ben's neck and pull him closer, effectively keeping him from moving away.

Ben doesn't deserve this.

Jacob doesn't deserve this.

I am an awful person.

"_That_ is what I saw!" Alice exclaims in delight as she moves to stand next to Jacob.

Jacob growls. "What did you see?"

"I saw Renesmee kissing a boy. He's you're competition, Jacob."

"You can't _see_ Renesmee, remember?" His voice sounds hard, strained, like he's struggling to breath. The anger I can hear in his tone would have been enough to scare me into swimming all the way to Alaska if it had been directed at me. I am glad I can't see his face.

Alice is completely unfazed by Jacob's less-than-enthusiastic reaction. "I can't see Renesmee, but I have gotten very good at seeing _around_ her. I saw that boy leaning forward, eyes shut, as if he was kissing someone. I simply assumed that it was Renesmee he was kissing. Edward came to the same conclusion. It was the only thing that made sense, unless there's something you're not telling us…."

I giggle around Ben's lips when I hear Jacob's responding growl. How can Alice stay so calm when he is so angry? I am scared of Jacob right now and his anger isn't even directed at me. Not yet, anyway. Maybe I should stall long enough so that Jacob will leave before I come in.

I release my hold on Ben's neck. A small movement in the surrounding trees catches my eye. By the time my eyes focus on the movement, Lukas has come to a stand still. His pale skin glows softly in the moonlight. My chest feels tight with longing to reach out and touch him; he looks so beautiful. My heart stutters in my chest as I see, even from this distance, that he is trying to hide the pain from his face.

Our eyes meet for the briefest of seconds. Then Lukas disappears into the shadows of the trees.

I am left with a hollow feeling in my chest.

Lukas and Jacob no longer have any doubts that I have chosen Ben. That is what I wanted.

So why do I feel like I've only made my problems worse?

* * *

Sorry this took so long. To be fair, I did warn you all that it would take longer than normal. I think I even said that I wouldn't have a chapter up until after February, and it's still February, so... :) Review please. Next chapter shouldn't take as long to write.


	14. Nightmares

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

_I sit in a sunny clearing, the velvet grass vibrant underneath me as I lay on my back, looking up at the cloudless blue sky. But, wait…the sky isn't blue anymore. Ominous black clouds have taken over the sky at blink-and-you-miss-it speed. That's weird. _

_I sit up as heavy round drops splatter against my skin. I guess I better head back home._

_I freeze when I see three dark figures approaching in the distance, hidden in the shadows of the trees. Fear raises goose bumps on my skin. I can't move, even though every inch of my being is screaming at me to run. I know what will happen if I don't get out of here now._

_Lightning flashes in the dark sky, momentarily giving me a clear view of the three men heading in my direction. For a second after the flash I am blinded by the lights still dancing in front of my eyes. Thunder cracks, and my eye sight clears to reveal one of the men standing inches from my face. I want to scream, but it feels like someone is holding my throat closed. _

_All I can see are two blood-red circles staring out of his face as the lightning flashes again. With a sadistic smile, he leans forward, painfully cold hands wrapping around my shoulders. There is pain in my left shoulder as he keeps leaning forward, teeth glittering, moving towards my neck…_

I am awakened by the hysterical screaming tearing through my closed throat. I try to stop the noise, but I can still see the figures here in the darkness of my bedroom. It isn't until after I have reached over to turn on my lamp that I start to calm down. Slowly, the screaming chokes off. I lay still, breathing heavily.

I have had that dream before. I used to have that exact dream every night after we moved away from Forks. It shouldn't have scared me like that, it is so familiar, but I haven't had it in a while. Actually, now that I think about it, I haven't had that dream since I had started going to school. What made it come back?

I run my hand through my sweat-drenched hair. It was only a dream, I try to reassure myself. I rub my hand over my left shoulder, where the red marks are burning under the skin.

"Renesmee," my mom's soft voice calls from outside my room.

"Come in," I tell her. Of course everyone in my family heard me screaming. It's times like this when I wish I had a normal family that slept and didn't have super hearing.

My door opens, allowing brighter light to flood into my room from the hallway, drowning out most of the shadows that had still hung at the edges of the light from my lamp. I can clearly see the worry on my mom's face.

"I'm fine, Mom," I say reassuringly. "It was only a dream."

"The one about the Volturi," she asks, concerned, as she comes to sit at the end of my bed.

I hesitate. Normally, that would have been my cover; I always used to tell my family that I had nightmares about the Volturi. The Volturi are a good cover for what really scares me. No one in my family, not even Jacob, has guessed that I actually dream about something else entirely.

But tonight I can see the panic in my mom's eyes; she is worried about me. I can understand why; I have _never_ screamed like that before. I need to keep her from freaking out.

So I make up a different dream, one that won't worry her so much. "No… it was about… Jacob and Ben and…"

"Lukas?" my mom guesses. I nod in agreement.

"It's just that…" I start, trying to explain why that dream would make me scream as if I were being tortured. To my surprise, I start to cry. Big heavy sobs wrack my whole body. My mom leans forward and cradles me in her arms.

"What?" my mom urges gently.

"I don't know what to do," I sob into her arms. This isn't pretending. I have been wondering what to do about the whole messy guy situation. The feelings of panic stirred up by the nightmare, combined with my worry that I am completely messing everything up with Jacob and Lukas, is creating more of an emotional scene than I had been expecting.

"Sshh, Renesmee. Everything is going to be alright. Tell me what's wrong," she coos.

So I tell her all about Jacob and Lukas not getting along and the bet that Jacob and I made, and how I lost and had to choose, and how I chose Ben so that I didn't have to choose. And I tell her how awful I feel for using Ben, who is a really sweet person.

"I don't know what to do," I say again after my tears have dried up.

My mom sits completely still. Her eyes look distant, as if she is seeing the future like Aunt Alice. Maybe she is seeing her past.

"Mom?" I say, gently shaking her arm.

Her eyes focus on my face again. Her mouth stays turned down in a frown as she says, "Renesmee, I can't help you with this."

"Why not?" I ask, perplexed.

"This has to be your decision. I can't tell you what you should do. But trust me, Renesmee, I have had to make choices in my life, a lot like the ones you are forced to make now. I'm not sure I handled it very well…"

She pauses to take a deep breath. "Renesmee, it's going to hurt, no matter who you choose. It is going to hurt you and it is going to hurt others, but it isn't fair to keep them all waiting around, to keep them hoping that one day you will choose them."

"You mean you didn't always love Daddy?" I ask.

"Oh no, I have always loved Edward. I would never have chosen… anyone else. My choice was already made. But that doesn't mean that it didn't hurt to leave that someone else behind. It tore me apart for a long time.

"But, Renesmee, you have to make a choice, one way or the other. You can't run away from your problems, or pretend that those problems don't exist. That will just make the problems worse. I learned that the hard way."

I think of Ben. I think back to my dream. Mom's right; I have been running away from my problems. It's time for me to face them.

"Mommy," I sniffle. "Can we go home?"

"Home?" my mom asks, scrunching her face as if she's trying to make sense of what I just asked her.

"To Forks."

* * *

I love writing this story. Oh, and if you are a little confused right now, don't worry, you're supposed to be. :) Reviews are nice, as always.


	15. The Meadow

SORRY! I know this took way longer than it normally does. I think we all owe a big thanks to Victoria Catherine for motivating me and convincing me to get writing. Sorry I couldn't get this out sooner, Victoria. I did try, but if it wasn't for you this chapter would still not be finished. So on the count of three let's all thank Victoria: 1, 2, 3, Thank you Victoria.

Ok now that that is said, let's get on with the chapter.

**Disclaimer: Same as always**

It took a lot of arguing and, when arguing got me no where, reasoning. No one in my family really wanted to go back. "It's been thirteen years," I argued. "You didn't want me going to school anyway," I reasoned. And finally, "I want to be closer to Jacob." That was what had convinced them to move us back to Forks.

Call it what you want, but I am not running away. Dating Ben was running away. Leaving Forks was running away. I needed to stop running, so I said goodbye to Ben, packed my bags, and moved back to where the problems started.

It is surprisingly nice to be back in my childhood home. Well, not _my_ home; Mom, Dad, and I are staying in the Cullen house so that we will have the "protection of the whole family" (Dad's words, not mine). Jacob and the wolves have been patrolling around the house regularly; they also thought I was insane for wanting to come back.

Everyone, my family and the wolves, have been on edge since we got here. I understand why; they just want to keep me safe, but I feel like I'm suffocating. Hopefully after a week, after nothing happens (because nothing _will_ happen) they will relax a little.

I really want to see Grandpa; I have been talking to him on the phone every weekend but haven't actually seen him since we left Forks thirteen years ago. I know Mom wants to go see him too, but Mom says that we can't put him in danger. I hate it when she's right.

The good thing about moving to Forks is that I get to see Jacob all the time.

The bad thing is that I haven't seen Lukas in a week.

But I'm bound to see Lukas eventually. He always runs through Forks on his way to visit Molly and Harrison. I am hopeful that I will see him soon.

********

I have spent most of my time back in Forks sitting at the piano in the main room, playing songs that my dad has written and remembering what it feels like to have my hands flying over the pearly keys. Today I decided to try composing my own song. I tried composing when I was little, but I was never able to create anything worth writing down. This song is better than anything else I have attempted. It's a familiar song; it reminds me of Lukas.

I think I'm going crazy with loneliness. Not that I'm really lonely. My family rarely leaves me in a room alone, and I get to see Jacob everyday, although he is always tired or too busy "protecting me" to be good company. Thinking of Lukas, and the moments we shared when everyone wasn't breathing down my neck, makes me feel less alone. And my loneliness has given me time to perfect my song.

As I reach forward with a pen to record my song permanently on paper my ears hear the familiar pattering of fast-moving feet. My heart pounds in excitement as I force my thoughts to be silent. I mean, I couldn't really get out of the house if my dad were to hear me shouting _Lukas is here!_ over and over in my mind.

And of course I am going to sneak out without telling anybody where I am going. It's more fun that way. (It's not like they would let me out of the house if I asked anyway.)

I climb the stairs to my room, listening for the heavier patter of the wolves' paws hitting packed dirt. From what I hear, Seth just passed close to the house and is moving away. Leah is farther out in the opposite direction. I can't hear Jacob, but that doesn't mean he isn't around. I assume Jacob is farther away, maybe coming back to take one of the others' places. If I time it right I can pass through with none the wiser.

There is still the problem of my scent. The wolves are on patrol, meaning they will have their noses to the ground trying to pick up the scent of any creature, human or otherwise, that is where it shouldn't be. They will know within minutes of my crossing that I left the house. And they will tell Dad. And Jacob. Not a good idea. But…I could always move above the ground. They won't catch my scent if it's on the tops of the trees.

I leap gracefully onto the tree closest to my bedroom window. While I'm not afraid of hurting myself by falling out of a tree, I am concerned that someone will notice I'm out of the house if I fall to the ground, so I pause and make sure I am steady before I jump to the next tree. I continue in this way, jumping from tree to tree, pausing after each jump to plan my next jump and make sure none of the wolves are close enough to see or hear me. Once I'm past the wolves' patrol circle I stop to listen for Lukas' footsteps, still clinging to the tree branches, worried that touching the ground even this close to the wolves' circle will get me in trouble.

Even listening for Lukas I am still surprised when I see him running under the tree I hang on. He always seems to sneak up on me. _Well, now it's my turn._

I let myself drop from the branch, landing nimbly on my feet right behind Lukas. He jumps around in shock, crouching low, prepared to fight. He looks glorious and completely terrifying as his lips curve around a growl, sending my skin tingling in fear. Lukas looks apologetic as he realizes that it was me he was planning to attack. I smile, trying my best not to let my fear show.

"I'm sorry," he says, walking toward me slowly. "I thought you were a werewolf."

I try to look insulted. "Why would you think that?"

"Because everything around here smells like werewolf."

That reminds me… "We should get moving," I say. "The werewolves could come by any second, and I'd prefer that they not see me."

"Alright, let's go," he agrees.

"Where?" I ask.

"I have something to show you."

He gently takes my hand, leading me as we run. I know I probably shouldn't let him do that; it isn't fair to lead him on. But his hand feels nice around mine.

"Where are we going?" I try again.

"It's a surprise." He raises his eyebrows mischievously. I can hear excitement in his voice.

"Maybe I don't like surprises."

"Everyone likes surprises," he argues.

"Not me. Suspense is a killer. How much longer are we running?"

Lukas slows suddenly to a walk. Letting go of my hand, he folds his hands over my eyes. "We're done running now," he jokes. "No peeking."

I trust Lukas completely as he leads me forward (although my keen sense of smell will tell me if my path is clear of trees and other miscellaneous obstacles). We walk a total of fifty steps before he stops me.

"Ok, here we are," he says as he lowers his hands.

I blink in surprise. We are in a meadow. It is perfectly symmetrical, with wildflowers splashing color between the long blades of grass. To the west a river bubbles over glittering pebbles. It is so familiar but I can't remember ever being in it…

I gasp in surprise as I realize that this meadow looks exactly like the meadow I had created when Lukas and I were playing around with my pictures. How strange: I don't remember being in this meadow, although judging by how far we ran the meadow is still in Forks.

I feel like I am in a dream. Butterflies and bumblebees flutter around the flowers and the long green grass sways in the wind. The meadow looks untouched: too perfect to be real.

"This is incredible," I breathe finally. I turn to see Lukas watching me very closely. "How did you find it?"

Lukas shrugs. "Luck. I decided to take a different path on my way to visiting Molly and Harrison a couple of weeks ago and passed through it. I couldn't believe that it was real."

"I guess I can't lie with my pictures after all," I mumble as I turn to examine the meadow again.

"Have you been here before?" Lukas asks with unmistakable urgency.

I shake my head. "Not that I can remember." Why can't I remember?

"Come on. Let's sit down," he says, gently taking my hand in his again. I don't protest. I don't have the energy or the will to push him away.

We sit down in the middle of the meadow, where the grass is slightly worn and not so tall. Lukas stares at me intently. I stare back, needing to memorize every curve and line that makes up his face.

"I never thought it would be like this," Lukas whispers, careful not to break the silence of the wildlife surrounding us. I look up to see that the sun has broken through the clouds, causing Lukas' skin to sparkle. I am momentarily distracted.

"W-what?" I ask uncertainly.

In less than a second Lukas has a cold hand gently brushing against my cheek, attempting to keep me focused on what he is saying. It isn't working. "You. The meadow. My life of immortality. It's not at all what I expected."

My brain is fuzzy from the feeling of Lukas' hand against my cheek. "I don't understand," I manage to whisper.

Lukas stares down at the grass for so long I'm not sure he heard me. "From the moment I opened my eyes as a newborn vampire, I have been consumed by a terrible thirst. It's not like the thirst that most vampires suffer from, as far as I can tell. The craving for human blood is second to this thirst."

"What is it you thirst for?" I ask as he hesitates.

"I have thirsted for companionship, to not be alone. Before I met Molly and Harrison, I had thought that my thirst was for human blood, but human blood never helped. If anything it made it worse. I think I might have gone mad trying to quench what I had imagined to be unquenchable.

"Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, I ran into that vampire clan. You remember. I told you about them before we went to visit Molly and Harrison."

I nod, suppressing a shiver. How could I forget? "How can you consider running into them fortunate?" I want to know.

"They were hunting," Lukas starts to explain. "Humans, of course. They had cornered an old woman in an alleyway on the outskirts of town. This was not a safe town in the first place, mind you, so no one would have thought it odd had they managed to kill the woman. And normally I would have turned around, ran back the way I had come, and let them have at it. I did have enough common sense to leave other vampires alone while they hunted."

"But you didn't leave?" I guess.

Lukas shakes his head sadly, his eyes unfocused as he relives a distant past. "The old woman… she looked like my mother. My _human_ mother, or how I would have imagined an older version of my mother would have looked. I couldn't stand by and let them kill her. So I intervened, distracting the vampires until the old woman was out in the busy streets of the town and in the safety of the human population. Only when I was sure she would be safe did I run. As I told you before, the vampires were weak with hunger; they couldn't catch up with me, so for the moment I was safe.

"I didn't just leave, though. I worried that the vampires would try to find her again. No one likes it when their prey gets away." I shiver again. "So I followed the old women, covering her scent, as I did with yours. Since protecting her required me to constantly be among the human population, I learned to control my thirst for human blood. I even stopped drinking human blood for a while. And I felt better than I had in years. By protecting that old woman, I was no longer alone in the world." Lukas turns away, staring with hollow eyes across the meadow.

"What happened to her?" I urge gently.

Lukas looks into my eyes sadly as he responds. "I kept the old woman safe until she died several years later. Natural causes. When she died, the human part of me died as well, and my thirst for companionship became unbearable. It was a short time later that I met Molly and Harrison."

"And everything was better after that?"

He shakes his head. "There was still that _thirst_, even with Molly and Harrison. It was more bearable when I was with them, but it was still there. And of course, up until I came across your scent, I still thought the thirst was actual thirst. That made it difficult to abstain from human blood and live as Molly and Harrison did. I eventually decided to move out so that if I messed up they wouldn't have to look at my red eyes. And I was worried that, with the enemies I had made, I would put Molly and Harrison in danger, as I told you before."

"I never noticed you struggle so much," I comment, trying to lighten the mood.

"Attending school has helped me put my priorities into perspective. But it was really meeting you that made all the difference. You have no idea how much more human I have felt ever since I came across your scent."

"So… you like me because I smell good and that makes you feel human?" I ask, unsure how I feel about that.

Lukas laughs. "No, of course not. Don't get me wrong, you smell wonderful. It was your scent that made me realize that all I have wanted, thirsted for all these years, was you."

Now Lukas rolls onto his knees, cupping my head gently in his hands, stroking my cheek with his thumb. His eyes are hard with determination. "I love you, Renesmee. I have loved you forever, without knowing that it was you I loved. All I knew was that painful thirst that kept me on the move, searching for you. It wouldn't let me rest until I found you. I know that now."

My heart hammers in my chest as he leans forward and kisses me so sweetly I think I might faint.

My head continues to spin furiously as his lips slowly leave mine. Do I love him? I don't know. All I know is that Lukas is important to me, just as important as Jacob, my best friend whom I have known my entire life.

And even though he doesn't look at me like he expects me to say something, I look him straight in his gorgeous gold eyes and say "I love you," realizing that I mean it. I mean those three simple words with all of my heart.

The smile Lukas gives me shines with all the happiness the world has to give. I feel warmth spread down my arms, into my stomach, and all the way down to my toes. This time I am the one to place my hands around Lukas' neck and move his lips to meet mine.

Lukas moves his hands up my arms, under my sweatshirt so that he can touch my skin. It isn't until he touches the scar on my left shoulder that I realize I shouldn't have let him do that. I just let him find my best kept secret. _Stupid!_

He pulls away and moves my sleeve back. He stares at the glittering ruby dots that are arranged in a crescent shape.

"What is this?" He asks with concern. I try to answer, opening and closing my dry mouth, but no sound comes out.

"This is interesting," a cold voice murmurs, shattering the tranquility of the meadow.

I snap my neck to look in the direction of the voice. A shiver of fear runs down my spine, and I lean into Lukas for support. Three familiar figures straight from my nightmare walk out of the shadows.

* * *

Reviews are always nice. By the way, if parts of this chapter really confused you, or you forgot what happened in the beginning of the story, I suggest you go back and read Chapters 10, 12 and/or 13, as I reference events from those chapters.


	16. Thirteen Years Ago

I would like to apologize in advance for the poor quality of this chapter. It was incredibly hard to write.

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

AN: THIS IS A FLASHBACK! This is Renesmee remembering what happened thirteen years ago.

Unlike in my dream, there hadn't been any clouds. There was no thunder or lightning; the beautiful blue sky was unmarred. It was a rare day in Forks; everything was sunny and glowing with color.

My mood didn't match the weather. I was pissed off at my parents for being too over-protective. We were having an argument, and I was losing.

"_Why can't I go to school?"_ I demanded.

"_You haven't been around humans yet, Renesmee. You just stopped drinking human blood. What if you can't control your thirst?"_ Mom said.

"_I can control it. I control it around Grandpa and Billy all the time."_

"_But this is different, sweetie."_

"_How am I supposed to be around humans if you never let me out of the house?"_ I pouted stubbornly.

"_Renesmee, you are being very immature,"_ Dad said disapprovingly.

"_I am not being immature. You are all being stupid."_

I ran out of the house, knowing that I had just ruined my chances of winning that argument. In an attempt to defy my parents I decided to go hunting by myself (which I was not allowed to do). I was going to prove to them that I could control myself and that I was old enough to take care of myself.

I chased a herd of deer to a meadow. _This_ meadow: Lukas' and my meadow. I had forgotten about the meadow. All I remember from that day is the three men.

I had just finished draining a deer. I reached down to pick up the carcass and discard it when I saw them. Three of them. One with blond hair, one with black, and one with brown. The blond-haired man was the obvious leader of the clan. But I barely noticed their hair color. I was too distracted by their matching blood-red eyes.

I don't know why I didn't run. My parents had taught me to avoid contact with nomadic vampire clans. They don't live by our diet, and I am part-human, which makes me vulnerable.

But I was outnumbered, so I stayed where I was, straightening up, leaving the deer on the ground. I spread my feet apart, fight-or-flight instincts kicking in, even though I had no intention of running. I was going to fight.

I remember thinking; _I can handle this. I am not weak. I don't need help from anyone._

"Hello." The blonde vampire attempted a pleasant smile; it might have worked if his eyes hadn't looked so cold. I didn't dare open my mouth to respond. It was taking all of my energy to keep my face frozen in a glare.

"Is she human?" the brown-haired vampire asked in a quick, quiet voice. He assumed I couldn't hear him. My anger flared.

"No, I'm not," I snapped.

The two dark-haired vampires stared at me in shock, but the blonde looked unsurprised. "You have a heartbeat," he stated.

"No duh," I grumbled. I did not like being interrogated.

"Sassy," the black-haired murmured with a smile that made my stomach lurch. The blonde vampire raised a hand in a signal for him to be quiet. He again attempted a polite smile. "Ignore him. We are merely curious. We crossed your scent a mile back," he said. "You don't smell completely human, but you are obviously not a vampire. A simple explanation will satisfy us."

I had hoped that if I told him everything he would leave me alone. So I told him about my mom and my dad and me, and as I told my story his smile broadened.

"Interesting," he purred, taking a step in my direction, his two dark-haired cronies matching the movement.

"Isn't it?" I asked sarcastically, standing my ground defiantly.

"Yes. But I am still curious." He circled closer. I stayed stubbornly motionless. He stuck his left arm over my shoulder. "If I do this…" Suddenly, there was a fiery pain burning through my shoulder. "It draws blood?" the vampire finished. I fought a scream and crumpled to the ground in pain. As my eyes rolled shut the world turned red. I dug my nails into my lower arm, scraping away at my hard skin. This did little to relieve the burning sensation, but some instinct kept me clawing until the pain disappeared.

I managed to focus my survival instincts long enough to look up at the three men towering over me. The blonde's claws glittered ruby. The dark blood matched his eyes, which had grown wild with thirst. I didn't have much of a choice now; if I was to save myself, I had to run. But I couldn't look away from the three vampires.

Blood. My blood. I had never seen my blood before. My stomach churned unsteadily. There wasn't any fresh blood flooding from my arm and the blood that had soaked through my shirtsleeve was now dry, but I still felt sick. The nausea was overwhelming; I could barely move, let alone stand up to run.

I was about to give up when I heard growls coming from a couple miles away. The wolves were coming! Relief flooded through me. It was such a powerful feeling that I almost missed seeing the claw swing at my neck. I ducked and rolled to my feet just in time to avoid more pain and blood.

I took off at a sprint. I ran in the direction I had heard the wolves. I could no longer hear their paws pattering softly; the thundering sound of the vampires behind me blocked all other sounds. But I wasn't lost without my sense of hearing. It felt like an invisible rope was pulling me, twisting me through the forest, bringing me straight to Jacob.

I threw my arms around his neck, burying my fingers in the familiar russet fur. At the same time I was swinging myself around, turning so I could face the three vampires that had stopped at the sight of the wolves.

Jacob was the first to react with a snarl. The five other wolves in Jacob's pack followed suit. I blinked and the vampires were gone, the wolves starting to follow them.

"Wait!" I shouted. I didn't want to put any of them in danger.

They didn't listen to me. Jacob and I were left suddenly alone.

I collapsed to the ground in defeat. I was tired, so tired. My eyes closed shut…

Jacob nudged me and whined. I looked up into his worried eyes. "I'm ok," I tried to reassure him. He didn't look convinced. He sat down beside me and sniffed at the blood on my hands. "I did that to myself," I tried to explain. I could tell by Jacob's growl that he wasn't buying that story. I sighed and placed my hand back in his fur. I knew I needed to get my story straight now, before Dad came and heard my thoughts. If I told anyone what really happened, none of them would rest until the three vampires had been destroyed. I wouldn't put my family or the wolves in any more danger than they already were in.

Slowly, I had let pictures leak from my hand. The first pictures I showed Jacob were of the deer I had hunted and chased to the meadow. Then I showed him the piercing pain that had been in my shoulder (although not where the pain had come from) and how I had scratched at my skin in an attempt to make it go away. I felt Jacob cringe under my hand when he felt the memory of my pain. I let the pictures fade and leaned my head back against him, satisfied that I had created a reasonable half-lie. We sat like that for what felt like forever. Then I heard the voices of my family.

"Renesmee!" My mom shrieked and pulled me tightly into her arms. She looked scary, like she was going to kill something.

"Bella, step aside. Let me look at her," Carlisle said calmly.

"I'm fine," I said quickly. "I don't need to be looked at."

"You're covered in blood," Carlisle pointed out.

"That was my fault," I tried to put into words the decent explanation I had come up with while at the same time keeping my thoughts under control so Dad couldn't hear the lie. "I scratched my own arm," was all I could think to say. Technically not a lie.

My family looked skeptical. I sighed and reached up, ready to show them the pictures I had already shown Jacob, but my dad shook his head and said, "We don't need to see it right now. Later." To the others he said, "She's telling the truth."

I was shocked that Dad had accepted my story without question. I had thought for sure he would be the one I would have the most difficulty convincing. I hid my surprise from Dad by quickly covering it with surprise at seeing Jacob walk out of the trees in human form. I hadn't even noticed he had left.

"They got away," Jacob said furiously. "They took to the water. We couldn't follow."

I sighed in relief. At least I knew the wolves were safe.

Dad gave me a hard look from the corner of his eye. "What did they want?" he asked.

I did my best to appear innocent. "I don't know," I said. "You always told me to run when I saw other vampires. I ran, and it freaked me out when they followed."

"Did they hurt you?" Jacob said, concern flashing in his brown eyes.

"They didn't touch me," I answered carefully. Again, not necessarily a lie, depending on how you define the word 'touch'.

"I would still like to look at you," Carlisle told me. "We'll get you back to the house first." Rosalie and Esme were by my side in a flash to escort us back to the house.

"Bella, go back with Renesmee," Dad commanded, joining Emmett, Jasper, and Alice on the hunting party. The glare Mom gave Dad should have been enough to discourage Dad from insisting she come home with me. "Bella," Dad growled, "I can not have you coming with us. She is going to need you. Keep yourself focused on what is best for her."

Mom gave in and followed us home, but she was sulking the whole way back.

That night, after I had washed all the blood off of my arm, I found the five red dots carved in my shoulder by the blonde vampire's claws. (I had shown everyone my explanation and had insisted Carlisle examine me before I washed up.) Fortunately Dad was too busy helping the others plan our move away from Forks to notice my thoughts.

We had ended up staying in Alaska with the Denali coven for one dark month before moving back to Washington. By then I had learned to control my thoughts when Dad was around, learned to stop screaming when I had the same nightmare night after night, learned to keep my secret to myself.


	17. Betrayal

If you don't already hate me you are definitely going to hate me after this chapter.

**Disclaimer**: Same as always.

Lukas gasps behind me as my memories flood; he is gripping a bare part of my arm. Unintentionally, I have shown him the pictures of my past. A menacing growl escapes his lips; he shoves me roughly aside so that he is blocking my view of the three vampires that have emerged from the trees.

As they emerge shock passes across the three vampires' faces. Are they surprised that I am not alone, or that I am with someone they haven't seen before? The shock disappears quickly, cruel giddiness taking its place.

The two dark-haired vampires stop and crouch low, as if ready to pounce. The blonde vampire remains relatively relaxed; only his fists, which keep curling and uncurling, betray any sign of any tension.

"That wasn't necessary Lukas," the blonde vampire scoffs. My blood freezes at the familiar mocking tone of his voice.

"Leave her alone," Lukas snarls.

"And ruin all my fun? I have waited fifteen years for this moment." the blonde drawls. "I should congratulate you. This meadow is perfect. And the two of you together in one spot… I couldn't have planned it better myself."

What is he talking about? I have no idea. My thoughts chug sluggishly through the thickened flow of the blood pounding in my head.

"I didn't plan this," Lukas hisses in a voice so low even I have trouble hearing it.

"Of course you didn't," the blonde vampire brushes away the disagreement with a flick of his wrist. "But I did. And so you see, with your help, it worked out better than I expected."

I don't consciously understand the small gasp that escapes my throat.

"She seems so surprised," the blonde comments mildly. "Haven't you told her yet?"

My eyes flick to Lukas' face. His jaw is clenched. His dark eyes have hardened. He meets the blonde's question with silence.

"He hasn't told you yet," the blonde marvels.

"Haven't told me what?" My voice is only a whisper.

"Later, Renesmee," Lukas hisses under his breath.

"No, I think we should get everything out in the open now," the blonde disagrees. Lukas glares at him silently.

"You've met before." I begin to comprehend what the words mean. I feel disgusted. Lukas _knows_ this awful vampire, and he isn't going to tell me how. I take a step backward.

"Not now Renesmee," Lukas says at the same time the blonde says "Of course we have."

"You were friends?" I guess.

"Of course not," Lukas says, horrified.

"Jacob was right not to trust you," I whisper. Lukas looks like I just slapped him in the face.

"I'm so sorry, Nessie."

"Don't call me that!" I snap, my voice rising in volume. I continue moving backwards, away from Lukas. I make no attempt to hide my feelings of betrayal.

"I had no idea…that they were after you too.... I thought I was protecting you," Lukas pleads.

"By leading them to me?" I ask, mortified.

"No, by making you disappear."

"It was very effective, too," the blonde adds. My head snaps around. I glare in his general direction, but I am having trouble seeing anything clearly due to the angry pounding in my head.

"See, I'm a tracker. It is in my nature. I simply need to smell one's scent and I know exactly where they are. How frustrated was I when your scent disappeared. It was so primitive, having to _follow_ a scent to find my victim, to not be able to see immediately. Luckily Heath has had more experience with that kind of tracking than I have." The blonde gestures to the black-haired vampire.

The black-haired vampire makes a sudden jolt forward. Lukas snarls. With a sweeping motion Lukas has my back pressed against a tree and an arm spread protectively in front of me. The blonde motions for the brown-haired vampire to restrain Heath, who obliges grudgingly. My heart stutters eight terrified taps before I have the courage to push Lukas away from me.

"Renesmee, I didn't betray you," Lukas whispers, subdued.

"Why will you not tell me how you know them?" I am on the verge of tears.

"Because I already told you about them." Lukas almost sounds angry as he says this.

This pulls me up short. "What?"

"You remember the old lady I dedicated five years of my life protecting? The vampires that I saved her from? There were three of them, were there not?"

I gasp in shock, my hands falling limply against Lukas' back, which has still refused to move despite my shoving.

"They attacked you too." This time I'm the one who sounds angry.

"And they have been searching for me ever since."

The blonde grins triumphantly. "And we have finally found you. I have succeeded, even with my gift impaired!"

"Now," the black-haired named Heath snarls against his restraints. "Let's finish this now!"

"Heath, as you can see, is getting impatient. And I quite agree with him. We have had to wait long enough." The blonde smiles. "Let's finish this now!"

"Run, Nessie. Go get help," Lukas whispers urgently as the three take a synchronized step toward us. It takes a few moments before my numb mind comprehends what he has said. I can't move. I can't feel my legs; everything has gone numb, paralyzed with fear.

And then a cold hand reaches and the nails dig into Lukas shoulder. He growls in pain, and his growl breaks me from my trance. Orange and red flames lick furiously around the corners of my vision. I move forward on instinct. I feel my arms cling to a cold, smooth surface. My mouth opens wide. My teeth sink into what feels like granite. A sharp cracking sound rings in my ears.

And then I can see clearly again. My arms are wrapped around the blond vampire's shoulder; they are holding me inches off the ground. He is howling and his arms are flailing; in the middle of his throat a crescent shaped chunk is missing. I spit out the metallic-tasting chunk from my mouth; it casts rainbow sparkles around the meadow as it falls.

In a movement so fast I don't see it I am laying on the ground. A sharp burning makes the crease in my left arm sting. Soft red blood is trickling from five small holes that match the crescent marks on my shoulder. The shape fits the claws of the blonde vampire.

My human scent overpowers my vampire scent as my blood leaks to the ground. Red eyes flash with animalistic thirst. The blonde dives. His shadow falls over me. I instinctively lift my legs and push them out protectively. With a sound as loud and sharp as thunder, the blonde vampire flies away from where I lay.

I scramble to my feet, not waiting to see how far the vampire lands from me. No matter what, it won't be far enough away.

The burning spreads down to my legs as I begin to run. _So tired._ I can't keep running. _So tired._ But I have to keep moving! _If I can just make it to the tree maybe I can climb away from this mess. _I can barely feel my legs now the pain is so strong. _I have to keep moving!_

The earth tilts beneath my feet, and I land facedown in the dirt. A cold hand grabs my ankle and slides me away from the tree, from my only hope of surviving. I flip myself around and see the blond vampire move closer to my bleeding arm. I struggle; I kick with my free leg and try to pull myself away as my arms cling uselessly to the soft dirt.

"You _are_ mine," the blonde purrs softly. He slouches forward.

I know I am dead. Even if the blonde vampire miraculously stops drinking my blood before I am completely drained, the venom itself is potentially poisonous to my composition. I lay my head down in surrender.

A big brown blob passes over my closing eyes. I am suddenly staring up at a blue and cloudless sky, the blonde nowhere in sight.

But I can hear him, mere feet away from where I lay. "You can't take this from me," he is shouting at the top of his lungs. Harsh growls mingle with his screams, and my heart soars to my throat as I recognize that growl. It belongs to a wolf! But not just any wolf. I would know my Jacob anywhere.

By the time I find the muscles in my neck to move my head Jacob is standing next to a pile of glittery pale chunks. I choke back the sob that wants to crawl up my throat.

"Jacob!" I breathe. It is all I can do with my burning limbs to crawl, painstakingly slow, to where Jacob stands panting. He looks worried.

"I'm fine," I tell him before he can ask. "Do you have any matches?" I ask, worried that the blonde vampire will reassemble itself. Jacob points his nose at his shorts tied on his leg. I fish around in the pockets and find a lighter. Relief pulses through me as the choking purple smoke flits around on the breeze.

Jacob disappears in the trees. "Where are you going?" I call out, panicked, not wanting to be left alone. I try to pick myself up to follow, but my legs still won't work properly. Much to my relief, Jacob reappears within seconds.

"Are there more?" he demands as he strides toward me on long, strong legs.

"Not following me," I respond, stopping suddenly in the middle of a head shake. "Lukas," I whisper in realization.

"What?"

"LUKAS!" I shout, struggling unsuccessfully yet again to get on my feet.

"Nessie, calm down," Jacob says, moving to restrain me.

"No," I choke. "No. We have to go help him. Jacob, there were still the two others. Lukas is outnumbered. I have to go help him."

Jacob looks pointedly down at my limp legs before answering. "Nessie, you can't go anywhere right now. You won't help him."

"Jake. Please," I plead. "You can help him. I will stay here."

Jacob's jaw tightens. "I won't leave you here unprotected. Your family is on their way. We should wait for them."

"No," I sob. "That will take too long. Take me with you, then. Please. We have to help him."

Jacob contemplates my tear-stained face. "Alright," he agrees reluctantly. "We will go. But if we see any of those vampires, if there is any trouble, I don't care how much it hurts, even if you don't want to leave, you are going to run, crawl, whatever it takes to get away from danger. Is that clear?"

I swing my arms around Jacob's neck. "Thank you. Thank you, thank you."

Jacob returns yet again to his wolf form. I don't feel the joy that I normally feel as I climb onto the familiar curve behind his shoulders. As a kid, I had loved riding on Jacob's back, clinging to the soft russet fur, the wind tangling my hair. Time has transformed my joy; fear makes my chest ache instead. I hope… but Lukas has to be alright. _He has to be._

-------------

The first thing I notice as I climb off of Jacob's back is that the meadow is filled with smoke. There is no sign of any living creature present. I feel a smile form on my face.

"Lukas won," I say gleefully. "Jake, look, the purple smoke! Lukas is alright."

I don't understand why Jacob is looking at me with worried eyes. Does he still not trust Lukas? Can't he just be happy that I am happy?

A branch snaps in the surrounding trees. Jacob growls a terrifying warning. He crouches in front of me, but I feel no fear. Surely the branch was announcing Lukas' arrival. Lukas would come back to make sure I was ok.

There is an awful screeching noise. Familiar voices float out of the trees; my family has arrived. But what are they doing? "Stop," I shout, terrified as the screeching continues. Why are they ripping Lukas to pieces?

Jacob trots tentatively into the trees. He returns minutes later in his human form. More purple smoke follows his entry into the meadow.

"Jake, make them stop!" I shout. As he nears me I can see how the creases in the corners of his eyes are stretched taught. Something is wrong.

"Nessie, you're sure Lukas was here with you?" he asks. I don't understand the question. Didn't he just see Lukas with my family? I wonder again why he didn't stop them from ripping Lukas apart.

"Of course. What's wrong Jake? What's going on?"

Jacob is silent.

"Find the other two…" Dad's voice floats from out of the twisting trees.

Those four words seem to strike me.

"No," I mouth the word. The sound doesn't come out. It feels like there is something stuck in my throat.

_No, no, no, no, no…_

"NO!" I shriek. I fumble forward, forgetting about my burning legs, almost tripping over my own tangled, anxious feet. A warm arm wraps around my waist before I have the chance to fall.

"Nessie," Jacob moans soothingly. "Nessie, it's alright."

"No, no, no, no, no." I struggle against Jacob's support, thrashing against the only thing keeping me from falling. I put all of my strength into clawing his arms off of my waist. The restricting cage falls away. My palms skid across rough dirt as they hit the ground. I stumble to my feet, moving with agonizing futility, reaching with shaking hands for the pile of purple smoke suffocating the sky. A warm hand clamps and locks around my wrist. It spins me around, away from the sick, strangling smoke. Warm arms wrap me in a warm, constricting cage. And no matter how hard I struggle, I can't break free.

"Nessie. It's ok, it's ok."

"Renesmee? Renesmee!"

"What happened? What's wrong with her?"

"Get rid of the fire. The smoke is suffocating her."

"No, no, no, no."

The tears are here now. They leak out of my eyes in streams, crawling down my cheeks, down my nose, down my chin. Each drop tumbles from my face, spiraling down into the dirt below with painstaking slowness, taunting me as they glitter and glare in the sunlight. I can't breath. My throat scrapes with an awful sucking noise as it tries to open up long enough to draw in air. My whole body shakes with the effort of each shallow breath.

"He's dead. They killed him."

"Come here Renesmee. Let me help you."

"Carlisle, I think she's going into shock."

"Don't start another fire here."

"No, no, no."

A fire burns in my chest, smoldering with a never-ending force. The flames lick the raw edges of the horrible hole that the fire has burned in the middle of my torso. I am hollow, a shell. The passing air flows straight through me as it is pulled along by the breeze. The air stings, adding to the fiery ferocity burning in my lungs, my chest, my throat, my eyes. The pain stabs at my back, crawling up to my spine, nesting in the space between my shoulder blades. The burning hurts there too.

"Carlisle, her legs. Look at her legs!"

"Give me my daughter!"

"Bella, don't pull on her."

"We need to get her back to the house."

"No, no."

Darkness creeps upon me, rising like the tide of the ocean.

"She's hurt. Please, help her!"

"Renesmee!"

"Lay her on the ground. I don't think she can support herself much longer."

"Put the fire out!"

"No…"

I can't move away; I am trapped, forced to wait as the gloom-filled shadows push closer…

and closer…

and closer.

* * *

And there it is. The point the story has been leading up to. Please review, even if you hated it, even if you've never reviewed before, because this is the climax of the story, and I would like to hear what you think of it. It's now or never, reference to High School Musical completely unintended.


	18. The After

The calming s_woosh_ of the ocean lulls me into unthinking bliss. Sunbeams pin me down against the soft white sand, drowning me in warmth. I feel completely relaxed.

Just as I am about to slip into beautiful unconsciousness, my ears hear a familiar pattering of feet against soft ground. Heart racing, fists clenched, tension rolling all over my body, I squeeze my eyes tighter and wait for the illusion to fade.

_Patter pat._

_Pit patter._

_Why do I keep hearing his footsteps?_

"Renesmee?"

If the sound of the pattering feet hasn't already broken my heart, this soft-spoken word does. Mostly because it isn't the voice I am expecting to hear.

Not Lukas, but Jacob.

I focus on keeping my breathing even so that Jacob will think that I am asleep. The sand beside me gives slightly as Jacob sets himself down next to my still body. I am relieved that he is letting me "sleep." I am hopeful that unconsciousness will come for me after all.

Until Jacob ruins that by sliding his hand into mine.

The second I feel his hand, I jerk away, bolting to a sitting position. Jacob's expression flits from surprised to hurt, but I don't feel bad. He doesn't need to see the terrifying images that have been haunting me for the past month.

"I thought you were asleep," he mumbles.

"What are you doing here?" I ask without emotion.

Jacob studies my dull eyes worriedly before answering. "You've been here for a month. Your parents are worried."

"And they thought you could cheer me up." I state dryly. My voice sounds dead, even to my ears.

"They thought I could come talk some sense into you," he disagrees.

"I already have sense. It's not like I'm suicidal."

"No. You're just dead, which is worse."

I cut my retort off. There is no point in arguing with Jacob. He wouldn't understand.

"Renesmee," he continues. "This wasn't your fault."

"Wasn't it?" I ask, not really caring if he answers me. I expect him to reassure me that I did nothing wrong. But he surprises me as he gently traces the crescent-shaped scar on my arm.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Jacob asks gently. "You could have told us years ago that they were after you, that they had hurt you. We could have hunted them down. Maybe this wouldn't have had to happen."

I feel like I have been punched in the gut. Everything I have been thinking since that horrible day put into words: concrete and indissoluble. And oddly enough, Jacob seems to know that I need to hear it said out loud. Which is maybe why I answer him.

"Because… because I was sick of always being watched, of everyone protecting me, treating me like I was weak," I spit out, not able to look Jacob in the eye. "I thought I could take care of myself." My vision starts to swim with tears. Not again! I am sick of crying.

Jacob doesn't hug me. Somehow he knows that hugging me would only make me feel worse. "You know that's why we're here, right? To protect you. We all love you very much."

"I don't know why," I hiccup. "All I've ever done is made a mess of your lives."

"Did you ever think it was the other way around?" he says quietly.

"What?" I ask, tears drying up with surprise.

He stares solemnly out into the ocean as he answers me. "Have I ever told you about imprinting?"

"What is that, a sixth sense that only werewolves have?" I sniffle.

"Sort of," he says. When he doesn't continue, I begin to worry.

"Jake?"

"It is a werewolf thing," he starts slowly. "Imprinting is when a werewolf finds his soul mate."

I take a minute to process this. "Is it like love at first sight?" I ask.

"Sort of. It's a little more complicated, though." Jacob's expression looks intensely frustrated, as if he is concentrating on finding the right words.

"How so?"

"The werewolf who has imprinted will be whatever his soul mate needs him to be."

"I don't understand," I confess. Why is Jacob telling me this?

"Take Quil, for example. He imprinted on Claire when she was only a baby."

I scrunch my nose in disgust. "That is gross!" I exclaim.

Jacob looks even more frustrated as he scrambles to explain. "But look, Quil didn't love her that way when she was a baby. It wasn't romantic in any way. Quil just took care of her and made sure she grew up happy and safe. Once she got older, Quil became her best friend. In a couple more years, when she is ready to settle down with somebody, Quil will be the most loyal lover. He will be what she needs him to be."

I just shake my head, all interest in what Jacob is describing lost. "Why are you telling me this Jacob? If it was to distract me it worked, if only for a minute."

Jacob grabs my bare arms, staring intently into my eyes. This time, I don't pull away from him. I let him see the dark images, pictures of Lukas the way I had last seen him, his expression hurt, haunted, afraid. The glowing red eyes of the vampires that killed him, the all-consuming flame that gave way to purple smoke. Jacob saw all of this, and yet he didn't pull away from me. He just held me tighter.

"I imprinted on you, Nessie, mere minutes after you were born," he says quietly. I am so lost in the soft sound of his voice that I don't immediately understand what he said.

"You…imprinted…on me?" I stammer.

"Yes." His voice is so sure, sound with conviction, leaving no room for doubt.

I gasp and try to pull away from his grip.

"I know you're hurting, Nessie," he says, holding my arms tighter. "I just want to help. I _know_ that I can help you, Nessie, but you have to let me."

"You!" I gasp, struggling harder. I see pictures, memories, of Jacob, always-present Jacob, teaching me to hunt, giving me rides on his back, eyes always gentle and…_loving._ It explains everything; why he hated both Ben and Lukas even though they had never hurt me, the conversation he had with my dad the night he met Lukas. Suddenly it all makes sense.

And just as suddenly I am furious.

I can't form words past the burning lump in my throat, so I use my gift to shout my thoughts, knowing that Jacob will hear them clearly. "_It is your fault!"_

Jacob cringes, but still doesn't let go of my arms, so I continue to scream my thoughts. _"You imprinted on me! I don't even get a choice in who I love! That is why Lukas is dead! Admit it Jake, admit it!"_

He studies my face sadly as he answers. "Of course you have a choice, Nessie. You have always had a choice."

Tears, hot and angry, trickle down my cheeks as I thrust the picture of the red and purple fire at him. _"Lukas is _dead_! And I loved him Jake. Don't tell me that I have a choice!"_

"I'm sorry, Nessie. I'm sorry that I hurt you. You're right. This is my fault. I should have found you both earlier, before they even had a chance to attack you," he moans as he lets go of my arms and hides his face in his hands.

My anger disappears instantly, leaving me with a feeling of guilt. "No, Jake," I whisper softly, out loud, not daring to touch him again. "It's not your fault. I'm sorry. I wanted someone else to blame. I thought I would feel better if I could be mad at someone other than myself."

Jacob puts his hands back in his lap and looks up at me with pained eyes. "I'm sorry, Nessie. I really am. And I wish that I could have stopped this from happening, but it did happen. It wasn't my fault, and you need to know that it wasn't your fault, either."

I look away, staring out into the wide and distant ocean. I know he isn't lying to me; he really believes that it wasn't my fault. But I don't believe it, and I don't know what to do to make things better.

And again I am crying, crying hard. The tears are relentless. I fold in on myself, clutching my stomach, bracing myself against the pain. Jacob's strong, warm arms pull me against his chest. He holds me as my breathing becomes rugged and uneven. He holds me until the tears dry.

The sun has begun to set. It is almost dark out. I can hear bugs croaking, the wind blowing past the trees, and the sound of our slow breathing. With Jacob by my side, the world almost seems peaceful.

"This isn't helping you, Nessie," Jacob says as the serene silence falls around us. "You need to come back home and try to move on with life. Otherwise you have eternity to suffer."

I open my mouth to argue, but Jake doesn't let me talk. "I am leaving tomorrow. I hope you will come back with me." He stands up slowly and begins to walk away.

I sit silently, staring as he retreats. My mind is blank with panic. _Jacob is leaving me?_

"Wait!" I shout. I scramble to my feet and run after him. I grab his arm and turn him to face me, only to realize that I have no idea what I wanted to say. The silence lingers between us. Jacob waits patiently.

"Ready to go home?" he asks finally.

I don't know how to answer him. I stare into his face, puzzled, not sure what my answer is until, slowly, I nod. _Yes._

**Epilogue**

Accepting that Lukas was dead was hard. Healing from the loss was even harder, and I'm not sure that I have fully recovered. I doubt that I ever really will.

Jacob went with me to tell Molly and Harrison what had happened. They reacted as they should: shocked, horrified, upset. But I was just as shocked, horrified, and upset to find that they didn't blame me, that they weren't mad at me at all. They helped me realize that his death was not my fault (at least not completely), and they have become great friends with my family and me.

Jacob has stayed by my side in the years following Lukas' death. He urges me to try to live life as normally as possible. And though I have tried, I don't think that I will ever be normal again.

But I love Jacob, and as long as I have him I will keep trying.

* * *

And that is that. Thanks to everyone who has read all the way through and has reviewed. And once again I must thank Victoria Catherine for all her encouragement throughout the story (and for getting me to finish it). I hope you enjoyed it. Did you like the ending, hate the ending? I want to know so please review.


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